Special Features: A Reflective Post...

Since it has been about 2 months since I started this experiment, I decided it was a good time to sit down and write a bit of a reflective post.  There are a few things that have been tossed around in real-life conversations that I wanted to take the time to write down and share with those of you who have been sharing in this experience.  I hope you enjoy...

The dating scene for me has been pretty dormant for the past few weeks and while I was able to provide a good story from my past, I definitely wanted to take some time to write up a bit of a reflective post.  I have definitely learned a lot through this experience and am eager to share some of those tid-bits with you all.  Before we get to all the heavy, introspective stuff, I first want to take the time to document a few of my favorite places from these dates.  I was lucky to be able to meet up at a few great places in the city and some I had wanted to visit anyway.  The best place I’ve found is definitely Annabel Lee Tavern in Highlandtown area.  Great energy, great crowd, and I definitely hope to return there at some point.  One fun fact about this place was when I mentioned it to another friend, she said when she went there she immediately thought “If Reese has not been here, she really needs to.”  Another great find was Alewife.  This is a great bar Downtown, across from the Hippodrome.  They have about 40 beers on tap and I have yet to have one I don’t like (quite the feat).  It is also where I found my new favorite beer—Allagash White (which I am actually drinking as I write this).  The third place I want to mention is Birds of a Feather—a Scotch/Whiskey bar in Fells Point.  Its small and quiet, and there’s an extremely knowledgeable bartender who will have no issues giving you her opinion on what you should drink.    

As far as the actual dates go, I have certainly found that there are essential characteristics that need to be there.  Even more important, I have found that the first 30 seconds are usually the most telling sign (and, honestly, 30 seconds is a bit conservative—I can usually tell in half that time).  I have yet to be proven wrong regarding the impression set in that short amount of time—both negative and positive (and in most cases, neutral).  I have found that witty banter and chemistry are among the most important traits for a good date.  While this is something I believed in theory for a long time, I have found through this experience how little I am willing to compromise when it comes to this trait.  And, dear LORD!  Do NOT apologize for your use of sarcasm!! Let’s face it, I’m Irish—I’m a fighter.  I need someone to spar with and if you’re not up to the task, then it will be pretty clear very quickly.   Of course, on the flip side, even if there is a bit of chemistry or ease of conversation, if there is no physical attraction it really is the death of the date.  It really is so important.  Also, apparently the meeting place and conditions need to be clearly decided before the date as I have been missed by two of the dates in this experiment.  *Sigh*  Also, giving out my number...I’m glad in most cases I have controlled myself and not given it out, but comparably glad that the times I didn’t at least resulted in good stories. 

I have had a lot of people ask me if I’ve been learning anything through this experiment and my answer has always been “yes.”  In all honesty, though, what I have learned does not compare with the amount of healing that has taken place by taking this on.  Those who know me well, know—in more detail—the full reasons behind why most of my 20s were spent not dating and the many emotions that came along with that realization and feeling it was too late to make up for lost time.  Among those emotions were an enormous amount of anger and frustration.  Without getting into specifics, I almost felt that I had devoted my life to an idea that ended up only letting me down and leaving me with only lost time and no experiences to show for it.  To some extent, I still do feel that way, but by channeling that energy into just using the time I saw that I still did have and cramming all the experience I desired into that small window, I have received quite a bit of healing.  While it can become tiresome, I am sure if these serial failed dates had followed me over a course of years instead of weeks, I would be much more jaded than I have become on my own.  Additionally, the creative fulfillment that it gives me to be able to share a bit of my story in a light-hearted way is cathartic in and of itself.  As much fun as I’m having, I do still get frustrated at the fact that I’m still single, I still cry, and I do honestly feel the stagnant state of the experiment the past few weeks is due to a bit of burn-out and need for reflection.  While these feelings are still there, the pain isn’t nearly as deep and doesn’t last nearly as long as it has in the past; for which I am very grateful.  At this time, I do feel as though I am ready to re-enter this field and get a few more good stories for you guys soon.  (And for those who know me in real life and have questions about specifics, please don’t hesitate to contact me with those...I just personally don’t feel it necessary to get into them through this forum.) And thus ends the “super vulnerable” section of this post...

So, there you have it!  A few new places to check out in Baltimore and a promise for more stories SOON!  Until next time, I will leave you with one more dating tip:  Sushi--Delicious food, perhaps not the best first date meal (I mean, unless you want to be super-awkward, in which case, you have my blessing).  

Special Features: The Saga of Eagle Tattoo Guy...

Since I don't have any dates lined up for this week, I decided it would be a good time to share this story with those of you who have yet to hear it.  This particular story took place about a year ago and has been the date I compare all other dates to in terms of levels of atrocity.  I knew about halfway in that there was no salvaging it, but also knew it would provide me with the best story in my repetoire for a very long time.  Before starting, it should be noted that none of the following story is exaggerated in any way.  Everything is verbatim, everything is truth (no matter how hard it is to believe).  Let's begin...

I had met this guy the weekend before in a bar...that's all the details that need to be disclosed.  So, we had set up a date for a Thursday evening.  After I had not heard from him regarding details by noon that day, I had given up and started mentally making alternate plans for the evening.  Around 2, I get a text asking if I had seen a specific movie.  I had not and had actually been dying to see it, so although even I know that a movie is a bad first date, I obliged and we started working out the details.  I was going to meet him at his place and we were going to drive out to see the movie.  Now, rather than go to a local theater within the city limits, he wanted to go to one out in the county.  Awesome.  So, after work, I go home, get ready and drive over to his place.  When I walk up his street, I see that there are actually two buildings with his number in it.  He is no where to be seen.  So, I dig my phone out of my purse and we have the following exchange (perhaps the most infamous part of the story among my friends):

ETG:  Hello?
Me:  Hi, its me.  I'm outside.
ETG:  Oh, you were 2 minutes late.  I thought you weren't going to show.
Me:  Um...whatever, I was parking the car...
ETG:  Just kidding.  Let me put on a shirt and I'll be right down.

Um...what??  So, if I had been 5 minutes late, would he have been naked??  I mean, maybe I was "2 minutes late" but at least I was fully dressed!  Anyway, he comes down and we walk to his car.  The drivers side is on the sidewalk side, so I walk around.  I figure I would have given him enough time to get in and unlock my door, but apparently not.  So, essentially I'm standing in the street...waiting for him to unlock the door.  I'm not saying he has to open the door for me, but come on!  Don't leave me out in traffic!  So, I get in and quickly learn that this car is actually a convertible.  Not because he asks "hey, do you mind if I put the top down?", but because he looks over with this "check this out" look, pushes a button and there goes the roof.  Nevermind that I actually wanted to wear my hair down or the fact that I find convertibles a bit pretentious, but did I mention that we were in a Chevy Cavalier?  Who turns a Cavalier into a convertible??

So, we start driving and he tells me he has to make a quick stop first.  Figuring its for something like gas or money (you know, something that would make sense), I say alright and we start driving through the city.  We pull up in front of a Barnes and Noble, he parks and just gets out of the car.  Thinking it would probably be more awkward to stay in the car than it would be to follow him in, I get out of the car, too and we walk towards the store.  And then this happens:

Me:  Okay, but I can't walk out of here with anything.
ETG:  What?
Me:  Well, I have a hard time coming in here and walking out without buying anything, so I'm saying I can't buy anything.
ETG:  Oh, you're one of those.  What did I get myself into?
Me:  {"one of those" whats?  Literate girls??} Come on, its a whole store that smells like coffee and books!  Its like heaven!
ETG:  Yeah, I'm not a fan of either of those things.
Me: {Yeah, I have no response to that...}
ETG:  Well, actually, I was in here the other day and saw a book I'd probably read.  Picks up the autobiography of Slash from Guns and Roses.
Me:  Um.  Yeah, well, I love memoirs, so I guess...

He heads over to the help desk and I start checking out the nearby biography section, seeking solace in my favorite genre.  It is at this point I overhear him saying to the woman behind the desk "Um, I think the name begins with..."  Yes, boys and girls, this guy had to make a stop--on a date--to pick up a book he doesn't even have the information for!!  I listen as he tells this woman that he was at orientation this morning and the professor had advised getting this book, then call his room mate--who is in the same law program--to see if he remembers what the book was, and finally I place my focus back on the books until ETG returns next to me, empty-handed.  Nice.

So, we get back in the car, we start a bit of conversation and then he turns up the baseball game on the radio.  Now, let me remind you that in addition to this game, the top is still down causing a nice wind factor, so I decide that perhaps we are not talking on the way to the movie since I sure as hell am not going to compete with the elements he has introduced into this situation.  So, we get out to the movie theater, he almost gets into an accident because he's an IDIOT and is not paying attention to any other cars, he puts the top up and we start walking towards the theater.  He then proceeds to tell me a sob story in which he used to be able to pay for one movie and go to see a few more, but they've recently re-designed the theater in order to keep that from happening.  I really have no idea how to respond to that.  However, it is at this point that I realize that there is no hope for this date and that I am truly on the precipice of a great story.

When we walk in, he buys the tickets and then puts them in his wallet.  So I say "oh, are you holding onto mine so I don't lose it?" and he looks at me like I have 10 heads.  I brush it off and say I was just kidding and we walk to a nearby restaurant to get something to eat.  We sit down at the bar and I think I see Guinness on tap and relay my excitement to ETG.  When the bartender approaches us, the following exchange happens:

ETG:  So, what do you have on tap?
Bartender:  Sam Adams, Blue Moon, Guinness...
Me:  some sign of excitement...probably squealing.
ETG: (to bartender) Sorry, she doesn't get out much.

Seriously??  So, I look at my date, look at the bartender and say "Whatever, I'm Irish, I'll have a pint of Guinness, please."  Then, it takes him about 20 minutes to decide he wants a Blue Moon.  Really??  You take that long to decide you want a Blue Moon?!?!  His impeccable manners take another turn when he orders his dinner and says "I'm going to get this salad.  It says it comes with [tortillas or peppers or something].  Yeah, I can do without that."  Really?!?!?  Are you a caveman?!?!

It really only gets worse.  I try desperately to keep conversation going, but its proving dismal.  The bar we're sitting at has one of those electronic games on the corner and he wants to play (yeah, no--not happening), he sees something on another screen in the bar that reminds him of an episode of South Park (which he proceeds to tell me the entire synopsis of, even though I figured out the punchline within the first sentence--its South Park, not rocket science), and then I move onto pop culture.  I try music, but I'm Lilith Fair and Simon and Garfunkel and he's Megadeth and Guns and Roses.  I grew up on TV, so I watch everything from Law and Order to Top Model to The Office (both versions) and he watches ESPN and South Park, apparently.  Then he says that he is "really into movies".  Okay, maybe there's something we can work with...

Me:  Great, movies!  So, what do you think of Hitchcock?
ETG:  Oh, that's old stuff!!
Me:  {Knife. In. My. Heart.  I really have no response for that statement...}
ETG:  Well, I mean, I'm not opposed to those movies, I just typically go to see the blockbusters.  I figure there's a reason they're blockbusters.
Me: {You mean the fact that Americans will pay ridiculous amounts of money to see movies with no substance, plot, or character development.  Yeah...}Um, yeah, I like those on occasion.  Definitely...

Finally, its time for the movie.  Finally.  So, he walks into the theater and just sits down.  Now, I will sit anywhere in a theater, but it would be nice if my opinion was at least acknowledged.  So, I sit down, cross my legs, cross my arms and stay that way because there was no way in hell this guy is even going to try to touch me.  The movie was fantastic--best part of the date.  We get up after the movie and apparently he had to go to the bathroom before we left because he just walked across the hallway into the Men's room.  And I almost followed him in there...nice.  So, I wait in the hallway for him to come back out and we leave.  He actually left the top up in the car on the way home, so we did discuss the movie a bit, we try to discuss movies in general as well (he didn't know any of my Desert Island movies--except for Mary Poppins--which was expected), and finally we're back.  I so desperately want to just sprint to my car and go home, but I let him walk me to my car.  We get about 10 steps and he turns to me and says "So, do you want to come up, or..."  Oh. My. God, are you kidding me?!?!?!!  (When I'm telling the story in person, I have a hard time even getting that sentence out, I'm laughing so hard).  I tell him I have work the next day so I really should get home.  We get to my car, I give him a hug (only because I don't want him trying anything else), thank him for the movie, and get in my car.  As I'm pulling away from the hug he tells me I smell good.  Well, damn straight I smell good!!  I don't leave the house to go grocery shopping without smelling good!!!  And that was the end of that.

So, the morale of the story, kids:  Don't have a drunken make-out session with a guy and then go out with him a few days later (to this day, I still will not drink Jameson).   The eagle tattoo really should have been my first clue...

The One with the Alternate Plan...

I had held off contacting this guy for a week or so in order to be able to set up a date within a matter of days rather than dealing with the risk of an overabundance of messages back and forth before meeting in person.  Setting up the date, however, ended up being more of a story than the date itself.  (I feel like I've typed that sentence before...)  When we decided on a day, Sam* stated it worked for him and that is also happened to the pre-season Redskins/Ravens game so maybe we can find a bar that's playing it and watch it.  Okay.  Here's the deal:  I actually really like football, I like screaming at the screen, and getting all riled up watching a game, but, dude, on the first date??  Also, he has no way of knowing this about me--there is nothing on my profile that says this and I even got rid of the picture of me with my Terrible Towel during the latest edit of my profiles.  Oh yeah, and I'm a Steelers fan.  So, that may be the most boring game in the world to make me watch because I don't care about the Redskins and I sure as hell am NOT going to root for the Ravens!  Plus, if he turns out to be boring (as most of them do) I'm not going to want to stick around for a 3 hour game.  Now, while all these red flags are flying up, let's remember that I've discussed the fact that my dating experience is somewhat limited, so I decided to run this message by a few of my friends.  The result was a unanimous "WHAT?!?!?!"  So, I went straight home and wrote a response stating that while I do enjoy the occasional football game, I don't really think its the optimal first date activity.  Also, I'm a Steelers fan.  His reply:  "Uh-oh, a Steelers fan.  I'm not sure this will work out--ha ha [Wow.  Original, Sam.  I've never heard that before living in BALTIMORE!]  That's fine about the game.  I don't follow pre-season that closely anyway [then why would you suggest it??]."

After deciding to meet at a bar in Fells Point, I get there a few minutes early (as usual) and after scanning the bar, take a seat in full view of the entrance.  I really don't know what happened.  Or, better yet, I don't know how it happened again!  I'm sitting there drinking my Makers Mark and coke and waiting...glancing up at the door every so often in order to make sure I'm not missing him.  And then somehow, I do.  It took me about a half hour to finish my drink and that was long enough.  I sent a text to a friend--Dr. Mario*-- who works at another bar in the area, scanned the bar one more time, and left.  Upon arriving home later, I found out he had sent 2 messages--one an hour before the date making sure we were still on and that he was on his way and the second was sent at the exact time of the date stating that he had gotten a table, he was sitting alone and that I "couldn't miss" him. Of course I didn't receive these messages and had no way of doing so until I got home.  Sigh.  So, I sent a message back apologizing and telling him where I was and to let me know if he wanted to reschedule, but have yet to hear back from him so that one may be dead in the water, boys and girls.

Now, as I mentioned before, I contacted Dr. Mario, who works as a bartender in another bar before splitting and spent the next hour or so chilling there with him.  But don't be disspointed, my friends, because this post is not remiss of a tale of social awkwardness.  So, when I sat down at the bar, my friend introduced me to his friend, Zach*.  We all chatted for a bit, I ordered a beer, and some food because I was STARVING.  Right before my food came, this woman walks up to Zach and starts chatting him up.  Now, this woman was a piece of work.  She was wearing a shirt that--given the right...support, we'll say--may have done something for her, but...yeah, she was kind of a mess.  In all honesty, I was so focused on my sandwich, that I didn't even notice what was going on 2 stools down from me until I was almost done and then, not taking into consideration that not everyone is a social masochist, sat silently and listened to the scene going on until she walked away a few minutes later.  Once she walked away, Zach and I turn slowly turn towards each other and I bust. Out. Laughing.  He is less than amused, but Dr. Mario and I have a good laugh about the whole situation.  And then we did a round of shots to help Zach move past the trauma (however, she's apparently the resident trainwreck at the bar, so he knew what he was getting into when she approached him).  So, while the social awkwardness did not involve me directly, I definitely want to provide some entertainment.  We'll see if things look up soon...

* Pseudonyms, as usual

The One who Should Have Cancelled...

After finally having a great date, it wouldn't take much to pale in comparison, and this next guy didn't even come close.  There was a part of me that felt bad for him (legitimately...just wait, you'll see) but an overwhelming part of me did not understand his decision-making process.  When I arrived home from my great date, there was a message from this guy apologizing for the late reply, but confirming our date for the next evening and stating that he had an interesting story for me.  As one who is usually in charge of providing the story-telling (or at least the entertaining story-telling) on a date, I was excited to have the opportunity to hear a good one.  Plus, we were meeting at a place I had been dying to go to since a friend told me about it a few weeks ago.

Before I even enter the bar, do you remember that phenomenon I discussed in a recent post where I always pass at least one guy who makes me think "Can I go out with that guy?"  Even though I parked on the same block as this place, there just happens to be a very, VERY attractive guy living with a golden retriever (and, let's face it, probably a girlfriend or wife just as attractive) in the house right next door to this place.  Sigh.  Anyway, moving on.  I walk in and this place is awesome, the bartenders are friendly enough, the crowd is lively, and then there's my date.  So, I sit down, I order my Makers Mark and coke and he looks impressed.  This is only weird because not only is my love for my Makers Mark included in my profile, but it was the first topic we discussed through our messages.  I think he didn't expect me to actually drink it in real life. So, after the initial conversation, I ask him about the story he has to tell me and even remark about my excitement to hear it.  He starts by asking me how I feel about motorcycles.  Luckily, I love motorcycles, so he continues to tell me that the story is actually that he got in an accident the night before on his motorcycle.  Ummm...WHAT?  He starts into the story and after I get over my initial shock, I wait for a pause to tell him "You realize this is a horrible story, right?"  Only then does he seem to realize this.  Seriously??  So, he tells the whole story and I'm just sitting there shaking my head and drinking my whiskey waiting for it all to end.  The story also includes the injuries incurred (his back was pretty scratched up as well as the back of his leg) and the fact that his bike was totalled.  He also mentioned that he didn't want to include the story in the message, because he didn't want me to suggest rescheduling.  Seriously??  The thing is that about every 15 minutes during the date, he would shift in his chair wincing in pain and at one point actually moved the bar stool behind him and stood for about 10 minutes.  I mean, I understand wanting to hold to commitments, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

So, the date continues, but between the constant shifting and wincing and the bartender with the awesome tattoo I want to ask about (who I can't currently talk to) and who I keep catching checking out the one on my arm, I end up mentally checking out about 15 minutes before the date ends.  While walking to the car, he mentions how he's going to have to go home and ice his legs (dear God...) and that was it.  Moral of the story, kids:  if you get in an accident its okay to postpone the date.  Besides, the story will go over better if there's a bit more of a 24-hour timespan.  As far as the bar is concerned, I'm definitely hooked and will be going back--on my own--to check it out again.

The One with the Really Good Date...Finally!!!

I am happy to report that while this date brings my current ratio to about 15:1, at least I finally had a really good date.  This guy was the first one I had sent a message to who I really wanted the chance to go out with and actually made it happen.  His profile was really interesting, he was a real grown-up, and he seemed equally as interested in setting up a date with me.  Oh, and he was really attractive.  Yeah.  Before we had actually met, we had sent about 4 or 5 messages back and forth and they were all pretty long messages with a lot of questions being asked and such.  This usually makes me a little nervous as it takes away from conversation topics once we actually meet and--possibly more importantly--can facilitate, as a friend so adequately put, a false sense of intimacy.  No one wants to be disappointed and feel that keeping online correspondence to a minimum just provides the best odds for this not to happen.  In this case, however, it didn't seem to have a negative effect, for which I am so incredibly grateful!  It also didn't hurt that anytime I would feel apprehensive about our copious correspondence, I would just bring up his picture and remark "Oh, well, it really doesn't matter!"

We met at a local mall (I took this opportunity to share with him that I hate malls) and had drinks at one of the restaurant/bars there.  They had my favorite beer on tap (Newcastle), which he also ended up ordering since he'd never had it before.  Conversation was a little slow getting started, but by no means unbearable.  We started talking about travel...he had recently spent 3 years living in the UK and travelling a bit around Europe and we discussed road trips and where we wanted to go.  He pled his case regarding Guinness--he tried it several times, but just didn't like it (that was pretty adorable...).

The date was pretty fantastic.  We talked about movies and travelling and I shared the Saga of Eagle Tattoo Guy (we were at the same restaurant as that date, so I figured it would come up at some point).  He laughed through that entire story...and then asked why I didn't leave.  So, then we discussed my level of social masochism and how its like watching a bad movie--I can't turn it off, I have to find out what happens.  Plus, it makes for a great story!  When we started talking about food, I discovered we have a tendency to view it in very different ways.  Typically across society, people and food are thrown into two categories:  those who eat to live and those who live to eat.  As a self-proclaimed foodie, I am certainly of the latter.  I love food and I enjoy it to the fullest; both cooking and eating it.  While it is not always the case, Pete* tends to fall into the former category, as evidenced by the following exchange:

Pete:  sharing with me his typical daily regime consisting of oatmeal and rice, basically.
Me:  Um...there's no protein in there.
Pete:  Yeah, that's when I drink a protein shake.
Me:  You know, chicken tastes a hell of a lot better than a protein shake.  Also pork.  And beef.  And fish.
Pete:  Well, I can cook chicken, I'm just lazy most of the time...
Me:  Uh-huh.  That's sad, Pete.  Really, really sad.

Now, my friends, to me this is not a deal-breaker.  No, it is a call to action.  I figure I'm just going to have to date him long enough to teach him a few easy recipes so he doesn't have to get his protein from bars and shakes.  Dear Lord.  Anyway, after some time we got up to leave and for the first time since I started the experiment, I found myself realizing I had just had a great date.  We're walking to the car and I have that "Oh my God, is he going to kiss me?" feeling in the pit of my stomach and then we're standing by my car and its still there.  And then there's a hug goodbye and that's it.  So, while there's a part of me that was sad once I got into the car, I was also so happy to have finally had a date worthy of that feeling.  Its also the first date in the experiment that left me definitely wanting a second date.  So, we're working on it :)  In the meantime, I'll continue on my dates that pale in comparison...

* Pseudonym

The One with the Guy I Wanted to Flirt With...

Since I'm dating in the city, I often have to park at least a block away from where we're meeting.  I actually love this little walk as it gives me time to think, enjoy the city, and maybe say a prayer that this date will be good.   However, there's a strange phenomenon that happens on my way to most of these dates.  On this little walk, I rarely fail to pass at least one guy who makes me think "Huh, can I have a date with that guy?"  Its ridiculous.  Anyway, I was pretty excited about the date mainly because of the place we had chosen.  There's a certain bar in Baltimore I had wanted to check out, but didn't want to go in alone.  While I was waiting for my date to show up, one of the aforementioned "that guy"s walks by and right into the bar.  So, my date shows up and we walk in and end up sitting right next to this guy who happens to be discussing my favorite whiskey with the bartender.  Typically, I would try something new at a bar with such an extensive collection, but that particular day had been pretty atrocious, so I stuck with an old favorite--Johnnie Walker Black.  The guy next to me and my date both ordered a scotch that is apparently the key ingredient in Johnnie Walker Black.  My date had told me about the bartender at this bar who is this older woman who ran the place with her late husband and knows pretty much everything about scotch and whiskey.  She was pretty awesome, actually.  I totally want to go back and pick her brain--she's quite the character.  Anyway, my date and I start talking and while I'm trying to focus on keeping up the conversation, I can't help but be distracted by this guy on the other side of me and he's chatting up the bartender.  All I could think was that if I wasn't there with a date, I would totally be chatting them up, too.  I will be going back at some point since it turned out to be such a gem of a place!

So, back to the date, he was nice enough and we talked about a lot of different things and it wasn't too awkward, but there were a few things that stuck out.  The first was that he had this uncanny resemblance to one of my good friend's boyfriends in terms of a few little mannerisms.  Which was weird.  He also said "fail" a lot.  Oh, and also--we may be related.  No, really...he was asking about my parents and if they were both Irish and through further discussion we learned that our grandmothers have the same maiden name.  Then he asked whether or not that side was originally from a certain area.  Which they were.  Weird.  However, as I said, the bar was great, the bartender actually gave me a splash of what my date and the guy I wanted to flirt with was drinking for free, and we just kind of left things pretty open ended.  I gave him my number in case he wanted to get together again and we may hang out, but nothing particularly mind-blowing.

My next date is one I've been working on for about a week...definitely, DEFINITELY looking forward to it!!

The One that I Hoped Would Have Witty Banter...

My date and I met at the same place as my date last week, as I really wanted to check it out again.  In setting up the date, I suggested we meet outside (now I'm all paranoid I'm going to miss my date or vice versa...I'll get over it).  We had gone back and forth with messages and had also spoken through the IM service on the website.  There was a bit of banter, so I thought maybe there was potential for a spark.  We're both very strongly Irish and Scottish, so we shared that in common and he had wanted to connect over gchat, but I've learned my lesson well--no contact information to anyone.  Under any circumstances.

So, we went in, sat down at a little counter across from the bar and he asked what I wanted and went to the bar to order drinks.  Definite point!  So, we sat down and started talking and it was nice.  There weren't a lot of pauses, but there was also no real spark.  There were a few moments in conversation that were memorable.  At one point I was discussing how I wanted to start sketching on a regular basis and investing in that artistic venture.  Then, we have the following exchange:

Joe*:  So, look around the restaurant and tell me which person you would sketch.
Me:  Huh, okay (looking around)...
Joe:  No, better yet, which person would you sketch naked.
Me:  Oh, Lord!  I don't think there's anyone in here I want to see naked.
Joe:  Gee, thanks.

I'm still on the fence regarding that conversation, honestly.  Maybe I was a little harsh, but seriously--I've known you for less than an hour.  Chill.  We did spend some time people-watching, which is always fun.  He also gave me the entire synopsis of a scene from a movie I had already expressed no interest in ever seeing.  It was apparently the "funniest scene in the movie".  Right.  So, just like pretty much all the recent dates, after the date ended, we said goodbye and went our separate ways.

*Psuedonym as always.

The One where I Got Stood Up...Sort Of...Part 2

So, remember the date I was supposed to have last week where I thought the guy was a no-show??  Well, we finally got our facts straight this week and met face-to-face (although he still wanted to meet across the street rather than in the lobby of the restaurant).  In all honesty, there is not much to report about the date.  He was nice enough, the conversation was fine, he was interested in what I had to say, and it was a decent time, but I just was not attracted to him at all.  Its not that he was unattractive, I just was not attracted to him.  I also feel that in order to even consider keeping in touch as friends there has to be a pretty significant spark and that was not there.  As I said, there really isn't anything to report, so this post is going to have to end there in regards to the date.

In other news, due to my great influx of boring and/or bad dates, I requested the help of a friend of mine to re-vamp my profiles.  Over a few beers and conversation, we were able to come up with a profile that I hope, I HOPE will be able to provide you--and me, of course--with some good (or at least more interesting) dates.  Luckily, I have received previous dating advice from this friend that has proven to be quite useful, so I have high hopes.  As I also mentioned, I have a date tomorrow evening that I have hope for as well.  Until then...

The One with the Date I Forgot to Write About...

So last Wednesday I had a date that provided less of a story even though it actually happened.  There were a few good things that came out of the date, but overall, there really wasn't much to write about...which is probably why I forgot to write about it altogether.  The first positive aspect to come out of the date was that he chose the place and it was one I had not been to.  I also loved it so much that I have a date planned there for this week as well.  As I've mentioned before, in the search for a good date, I've been left with those that are bad and those that are merely "meh".  This one fell into the latter category.

I got a sweet parking spot across the street and we ended up walking up to the place at the same time and meeting outside before walking in.  While I keep an open mind during all of my dates I have yet to be proven wrong from my initial opinion regarding our connection.  I didn't think the date would be a disaster, but I wasn't expecting sparks to fly by any means.  We found seats at the bar and I have to say that I had two different beers while I was there and they were both fantastic!  There was a great selection of beers on tap and for that I am excited to return this week.  Anyway, the guy was nice enough, but it was another case of an older man feeling so much older than me.  He has an established career and has worked very hard to get to where he is, but there was nothing fun about him, really.  We were able to keep a conversation going for the most part, but there were definitely moments where we were left sitting and searching for questions to re-start the conversation.  So, overall, there's really not a whole lot to report on this date.  I do have to say, though, that towards the end, we got into a very nice conversation regarding the nature of dating and discussed how important that initial connection is.  We both agreed that that particular connection is either there or it isn't and especially at this stage in life, if its not, then it is best to just move on.  It was almost as though we were agreeing that the connection we needed was not there without actually pointing it out in this specific instance.  So, after we were done our drinks, we walked out, said our goodbyes, and literally went our separate ways.

I have mentioned before how much I am learning from this experiment and I have to say that I am definitely surprised at how quickly the first impression is made and how accurate it is to the outcome of the date.  I typically form an opinion in the first 10 seconds and even while keeping an open mind--as I mentioned before--this opinion usually does not change over the course of the date.  I have two-possibly three-dates lined for this week and for at least one of them I do have hopes for a good bit of bantering.  I really hope I'm right...

The One that Was Cancelled...

Normally when dates need to be rescheduled, I don't even bother writing about them, because there's no story there.  This time, however, that is not the case.  So, I had been waiting to hear back from a guy I actually wanted to go out with and when I hadn't by Monday evening, I sent an message to another guy who had contacted me to see if there was a chance he was free the following evening.  Why did I message this guy--I'll tell you.  As you can tell from the blog, I have yet to have a GOOD date.  You know those dates you go on and things just click and you truly enjoy yourself and then when he walks you to your car you get all nervous because you really want him to kiss you but you don't know if he will...yeah.  I know they exist--I've seen them, I've had them.  Its just been awhile.  Don't get me wrong:  the dates of insanity I've been having make for great stories and are enjoyable in their own right, but I'm feeling a bit out of balance.  Anyway, by this guy's profile and message to me, I thought he was chill and it would be easy to set something up last minute and have a good time.  I turned out to be wrong.  Just so wrong.

So, as I said, I sent a message Monday evening saying it was last-minute but would he be available to grab drinks the next evening.  The next morning he sent me a message with his number and asked me to text him since he couldn't view the website from work and we could set something up.  Now, as a rule, I do not give out my number until I  meet the guy (and in most cases, not even after that) even though almost all of them send theirs along at some point.  Obviously, this is a safety--and sanity--precaution so they do not have my iniformation and can't harrass me.  However, in this case, even though I knew this was the rule and even though there was that voice in my head saying "Reese, you know the rule...the rule is there for a reason!!!", I couldn't ignore the high hopes I had for this date.  So, purely out of sheer desperation for a decent date, I send a text to him saying "Hey, its Reese, let me know if you still want to meet up tonight." Then begins a text exchange that I am still baffled by.  Now, in my head I consider the use of texting before the date to be solely to set up the particulars of the date and save all the talking and questions and such for the actual date...especially if it is within a few hours.  Apparently with this guy that was not the case.  What ended up happening was an exchange where I was sending messages trying to set up these details while he responded with texts that took up two messages asking me random questions.  Yeah.  Questions like "what do you do for a living?" "What part of Baltimore do you live at?" (Direct quote...let's not discuss the grammar there) and "Where are you going out of town?  I just got back from NC this weekend."  Yeah, I'm not done you guys.  There's more.  He also let me know that he thought we'd really hit it off when we meet (okay, that's fine), he's friends with the owner of the bar we finally decided upon (alright, still fine), and he's never met anyone from online before (shit!  Maybe people have different experiences, but in my experience popping someone's online dating cherry is a pretty traumatic experience...it does not end well.  Shit!)  Guess what, guys?  STILL not done...and this is the best part.  So, we finally get everything set up for the date and about 30 minutes later my phone buzzes with the following message (paraphrased):  "Hey!  Maybe if we hit it off tonight we can plan to go to the Renn Fair.  The first weekend is the last weekend in August and is right before my classes start.  Have you been?"  WHAT?  Is this guy for real????  We haven't even gone on the first date yet and he wants to make plans for the end of the month?  And plans for the Renn Fair???  Wow.  I really did not even know what to do with that information.  So, I reply back that "we'll see how it goes" (to which he replies "fair enough"...uh, yeah "fair enough"!) and my phone was blissfully silent for the rest of the afternoon.  Seriously, after the 2nd "double text message" I was already regretting my decision.

So, the afternoon goes by and I start getting ready for the date, trying desperately to put the whole Renn Fair thing out of my mind so there's at least a chance of having a good time (seriously, I was willing to look past everything but that...cool your jets, dude).  About an hour and a half before I was supposed to meet him, my phone starts ringing...and its him.  "Aaaaaand, voicemail please!" I say to myself.  Five minutes later, he follows up with a text that says "hey, I was calling to see if we're still on and if so I'll leave in a bit".  So, I reply that yes we are still on and I'll see him later.  I finish getting ready, I look pretty adorable, and grab my phone before heading out the door and check one last time.  At this point its about 30 minutes before the date and there's a text from him saying he's not going to be able to make it, can we reschedule for when I get back?  Dear Lord...

Now, under normal circumstances I would just let this one die out, as per the experiment however, I suppose I will have an actual date story for you next week.  Although, I don't know how he'll beat the cancellation story.

The One where I Got Stood Up...Sort Of...

So, I had a full week away from the dating scene and I'm hitting the ground running it seems with some more great stories in the works.  Last night, I was meeting with a guy I had been messaging with back and forth a few times.  In all honesty, when there is a higher volume of correspondence before setting up a date I usually get a little more apprehensive.  I feel that if there is potential for a "spark" or good date or what have you, its going to be easier to just set up a date, meet in person, and see what happens.  Someone could write a great message that's well-written and shares a lot of common ground, but he could have taken an hour to write that message.  If its going to take him that long to formulate his thoughts, I don't think this is going to go very well.  Additionally, if the messages being written are a bit on the long side--red flags like China, people!  Meeting for drinks to get to know someone should not be a big deal.  Its also always my fear that if he's willing to show so many of his cards before the date, what if we get there and run of things to talk about because all the general stuff has already been covered?  I digress...anyway, back to the date.  I still thought it would work out and we set up a date to meet for happy hour at a sushi place in the city.  I drove down there, parked, and arrived at the restaurant about 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet.  I checked the bar area to see if he had arrived yet, did not see him, so I returned to the lobby to wait for him there.  And I waited...and waited.  Now, the two previous nights I had not had much sleep and that day had been very busy, so I was pretty exhausted even just driving to the restaurant.  So, when he was 15 minutes late, I decided to give him 5 more minutes and leave.  After 5 minutes, still no sign of my date, so I walked back to my car, went home, and took a nap.  

This is where the story takes a confusing turn.  Later I checked my messages and had one from him that started with "I guess you couldn't make it."  Huh.  So, I sent a reply telling him that I was there and waited and then left.  Then, the reply from him...he said he was also there, but must have missed me because he was sitting on a bench outside.  Across the street.  Um...okay?  Now, I'm usually very fair and give credit where credit is due and take the blame when I'm in the wrong, but dude!  You were sitting ACROSS THE STREET? Seeing as how we've never met in real life, yeah it would probably be difficult to pick me out among the people walking into the restaurant...from across the street.  I am thoroughly confused by this course of action.  Seriously.  As far as giving credit goes, however, I had already had to reschedule our original date, so this was already a second try, and he offered to reschedule again if I wanted to.  So, next week when we actually have our date (if he makes it to the restaurant), it will actually be the third time we have tried to meet.  So, he's nothing if not tenacious and in all honesty seems like a nice guy.  Hopefully next week I'll have an actual story for you guys.  Next on the calendar is a last-minute set-up for tonight that I'm already regretting.  Yeah, we'll see how this goes...

The One that Was Not Meant to Be

So, due to some scheduling conflicts and increased school workload this week, I ended up not having any additional dates.  I should have at least two new stories for you next week, however, while recounting the following story to a friend today I realized that while I didn't go out this week I still had the material for a pretty humorous blog post to hold you guys over.

So, this weekend, I received a message on one of my sites from a guy very eager to take me out.  His message stated that he loved my profile and thought we had a lot of things in common.  And then he listed all of them.  As is usually the case, it wasn't so much that he had made a list, but there were some items he included on the list that you usually don't bring up on a first date--let alone the first written communication with a stranger.  In response to my desire to work in adoption, he mentioned he was adopted (okay...relatively benign), he said he liked that I used the the phrase "we'll go from there" because he uses that phrase all the time (um...doesn't everybody use that phrase?), and then he mentioned he agreed with one of my favorite movie choices and planned on singing one of the lullabies from that movie to his children someday (what?!?!?).  I'm sorry, I draw the line at hypothetical future children.  I can't imagine his reaction if I told him my hypothetical future children are adopted.  At the end of the message, he did ask me out, so I had to oblige.  Plus, he was really harmless, just a bit overeager is all.  So, I send him a message back saying I'd love to meet up for drinks sometime, blah, blah, blah.  He sends a response saying meeting for drinks would be great and then says he has a few questions about the date.  Another list....this one had numbers!  And all he was asking were logistics--when, where, are we meeting there--but they apparently needed numbers.  So, I sent a reply back with a place and time and everything and everything was set up.  I even got a reply from him saying he was excited and everything.  The next morning I woke up and saw another message from him in my inbox.  The message stated that he hated to have to do this, but after looking over my profile again, he decided that we may not be as compatible as he initially thought.  I laughed for about 5 minutes straight!!  Mind you--this happened over the course of about 48 hours.  I also went back to my profile to try to figure out what it could possibly have been that scared this guy away.  So, while my week was date-free, I was glad to have an entertaining story to share anyway.  Next week, I have a couple of dates set up who are not claiming incompatibility.

The One with the First Date with a Dad...

So, I've had to back off on the serial dating due to my demanding graduate courses, but I'm definitely still out there and have a pretty good story to share with you guys today.  Overall, the date fell squarely in the middle of the spectrum--not great, not terrible.  The date itself lasted 2 hours and by then I was definitely done and ready to go.  Not to mention, we ended having some pretty thought-provoking conversations so my brain was tired as well (not altogether a bad thing).  This date was the first guy from the experiment who also had a child.  Normally, I don't accept dates from men with children, but as per the experiment, I had to oblige.  He didn't talk about his son at all on the date and we did find several things to talk about, but once again, there was a lack of witty banter and he actually almost seemed to take offense when I would try to make a joke or even just state the truth.  For example, when he first got there he had asked if we were doing drinks or dinner or what and I replied that I had already eaten.  He backed up, throwing up his hands and said "Oh, well alright then."  (Um, okay...)  Besides the fact that in all my messages to these potential dates I suggest drinks, and the date is always set up that way--it should have already been understood.

Anyway, we found a table and he went to get us drinks and while we were able to keep conversation going and had things to talk about, I'm not sure how well we match up.  We have both travelled (although he has travelled far more places than I have) and shared stories from our respective journeys.  He had mentioned that he loves stories, but in all honesty he's not that great at telling them and seemed to have a hard time coming up with them even though he's had more experiences.  He was also about 8 years older than me--which I didn't think would be a problem.  However, I definitely feel that while we may intellectually match up on some levels, I think we are just in completely different places in our lives.  I had to bring an end to the date and he left the ball in my court in terms of a second, but I'm honestly still undecided on what I want to do.  While the deeper conversation was great, he also wasn't willing to come to any conclusion with the issue at hand.  And I'm not one to sit around beating a dead horse from every angle...at least not in one sitting.  Anyway, after the date I met up with some friends for some post-date drinks and discussion and had probably one of the best nights out I've had in a long time :)  As for a second date...I guess we'll see what happens.

The One with the Guy Who Would Not Listen...

This date is my last one for the week as I'm taking the rest of the week off from the experiment.  I've been having a lot of fun and definitely meeting some interesting people and have loved sharing this experience with all of you.  I'm learning a lot!  It should also be said that the post you're about to read was both difficult and cathartic to write.  I'm definitely looking forward to my time off from the experiment this week.  Anyway, on to the date:

We met up at a bar down in Fells and had a couple of beers before it started getting a bit too loud.  The conversation was a little slow getting started.  We discussed the general things--career, hobbies and interests, movies, music and while we did eventually hit a rhythm, there wasn't really a spark.   Eventually we ended up walking down to another pub that had a blues band playing and it was nice to sit there and listen for a bit.  The date itself was pleasant, but the real problem came with the guy I was with.  He seemed nice and over the course of the date said some very nice and complimentary things, but there was a constant, underlying aggressive streak that I found to be quite unattractive.  It wasn't so much physical aggressiveness, but there were certain conversation topics that he used to make sure I knew what he wanted and was very unforgiving if I wanted something different.  Now, I've gone out with overbearing guys before--guys who felt that they knew who I was and what I wanted better than I did--and while I found it to be pretentious and annoying, I was usually at least able to make myself heard and reach common ground.  It should also be said that I tend to like a bit of aggressiveness in a guy, but typically the aggressiveness will be paired with a general respect for each other and shows itself more in witty banter and innocent sparring than in intimidation tactics.

The biggest way this aggressiveness was shown was when the topic of dating and relationships came up.  It was originally brought up in the form of asking me--innocently--what I was looking for in a relationship.  I was up front every single time this topic came up that I was not looking for a relationship.  I have mentioned in previous posts that by taking on this experiment, a relationship is not my goal in any way and honestly, its going to take something--or someone--pretty incredible for me to stop this experiment to pursue one.  While I didn't disclose the experiment to my date, I basically relayed the same information to him and he was not having any of it.  He was adamant that he felt a connection to me, when he found out we had the same tattoo artist he claimed it was a "sign", and at one point accused me of having a fear of commitment as the reason I wouldn't consider dating him.  I'm not saying he's not right--which I told him--but I certainly did not appreciate the tone with which he chose to relay his "wisdom" upon me.  Besides, he can feel this "connection" all he wants, if I'm not feeling it I don't see why I should be verbally accosted for it.  He had also shared other pieces of information with me that led me to believe that his dating life--and life in general--was going in one direction and he was hoping I would be able to change that direction.  Again, I was very up front about how this proposition sounded and that I was in no position to promise him something like that.  He ended up walking me to my car and kissing me goodnight--which, okay, that's fine.  But I'm a little self-conscious about PDA in general so grabbing my ass in public...yeah, that's not cool.  He was still very interested in setting up a second date, but I was able to appease him with the fact that I had his number, so I would contact him as I'd rather keep the ball in my court.  Honestly, if he pushed the issue any farther, he was going to be feeling my right hook instead of this bogus "connection".  And that was the end of that.

If nothing else, this date was probably the greatest learning experience of them all so far.  In all honesty, the only reason we ended up at the second bar was because he didn't want it to end.  I was perfectly ready to say goodnight, but because of a mix of not wanting to send him home disappointed and my strange masochism that wants to see how awful some dates can become, I agreed to continue.  In the future, I'll recognize the warning signs earlier on and will not be afraid to take the control back.  I believe that lesson was worth the extra hours I had to spend being berated by this guy.  (Seriously, fear of commitment--what an ass!!!)  See you all next week!!!

The One with the Guy Who Was A Little Too Intense...

**This post may not be for the faint of heart--I'm pretty sure (and really hoping) this is as bad as it gets.  Consider yourselves warned.**

I'll be honest with you guys, this last date left me a little shaken up.  I was quite glad when I got in my car and saw a text from a friend offering to meet up for drinks before that night's dance.  I wasn't scared for my life in any way or anything, but this guy was definitely a little intense.  And not in that smoldering, passionate, sexy way, but in that "Maybe these thoughts should be saved for your therapist" kind of way.

This guy asked me out through my account with Match (yes ladies and gentlemen, I paid for this experience).  My profile there was actually written by a couple of my friends in an effort to put a unique spin on it.   His initial message was written to address said friends and request a date.  While there may have been a few red flags in his profile, he could at least write well and seemed intelligent.  I'm telling you, this was one of those situations where hindsight is 20/20.  Anyway, we decided to meet for coffee and I was pretty much expecting the worst.  In some ways, I was tragically right.  He was just so nervous, which in turn made me pretty uncomfortable.  We started talking about my Masters program and I started discussing the various social issues I spent that time writing about.  The thing is, we saw eye to eye on several topics and would go back and forth a bit, but every conversation would end up dying.  Rather abruptly.  Additionally, my overall observation regarding his reactions and conversation style was that while there was an intensity there--which may or may not have been an expression of feeling passionately about the subject at hand--there really was no range of emotion, which I found to be quite unsettling.

Over the course of the date, things really just got progressively uncomfortable and weird.  I learned about his current mental issues (which, upon reflection, remembered he was actually quite open about it on his profile), what medications he is on currently (as well as the subsequent side effects), his reasoning behind his current employment choice at a convenience store (yeah...yeah), and he pulled out his journal to show me.  I don't scare easily, but I'm telling you guys--I thought I was staring at a prop from A Beautiful Mind.  Now, I want to be Jennifer Connelly as much as the next girl, but that's taking it a bit too far.  And then there was this lovely exchange:

Me: Talking about whiskey
Chris*: So, do you puff?
Me: I'm sorry?
Chris: Do you puff?  Do you smoke pot?
Me: Oh, um, no.  No, I don't smoke at all...holy shit, where did that come from?!?
Chris: Oh, okay.
**Only about two minutes later**
Chris: reaches into backpack.  Do you have a purse or something?
Me: Yeah...
Chris: Here, I brought you something.  Places small brown paper bag on the table.

No joke, I sat there for at least 10 seconds before picking up that bag.  Inside it was just a small bottle of Makers Mark, but still...

Anyway, after all of that, the last 15 minutes were quite excrutiating.  The discussion flow had pretty much died, he even mentioned an analogy describing flying a plane while cranking the engine or something...and even after that it took 10 more minutes before we got up to leave.  I was so happy to get out of there and got out without having to hand over any more contact information and haven't heard from him since.  While I do hope he keeps on top of his goals and issues, I think its best that we go our seperate ways.  The End :)

*As always, a pseudonym.

The One with the Hour Delay...

So, last night I was expecting disaster--I actually had an escape plan ready--but I wasn't expecting it to be mostly my fault.  You know when in every calendar and list you write down an appointment as one time, but in your head it is somehow a different time.  Yeah...that happened.  This date was also one that had seen my profile chronicling a bad date and we had a few back-and-forth messages discussing said date, as well as to set the time and place for our date.  Even though on my calendars it was marked as 7, somehow it was in my head as 8.  Around 7:30, I'm finishing up last-minute things before heading out the door which includes checking my messages one last time.  When I checked my e-mail, I saw one that had been forwarded from the dating site from my date saying he was there.  After frantically scrolling through the messages--which did in fact say we were meeting at 7--sending a text msg to his phone saying I was on my way and apologizing and shouting out several choice explecitives, I was out the door.

In an attempt to grasp for a bit of regained pride, it should be said that if the date was at 8, I would have been on time.  Anyway, I showed up and went down to the pub and he was sitting there at the end of the bar.  So, I sit down and apologize profusely and he makes a comment about how it will probably be him adding a story to his profile (rather than me adding to mine about an additional bad date) and I agreed.  I sat there feeling pretty much like a complete asshole for the first 15 minutes of the date, especially after the following exchange (we'll call my date Dan):

Dan:  Yeah, I was going to get us a table, but when you weren't here yet, they wouldn't hold it.
Me:  Bah! Well, I like sitting at the bar better anyway.
Dan:  Oh, because on your profile it said something about preferring sitting at a table over sitting at the bar...
Me:  *Pause* Huh...you know what, I think I did (still thinking that doesn't sound 100% right).  Hmmm...well, maybe I need to make some edits.

(In my defense, I checked on this when I went home and my profile states that if we were meeting for drinks--which we were--the bar was perfectly fine, but if we were meeting for a meal or food of some sort, perhaps getting a table would be nice.)

The rest of the date seemed to be slightly tainted with my mishap, but in all honesty, even if it hadn't happened, I'm not sure how well the date would have gone.  We did have some things in common and fruitful conversation topics, but by the last 15-20 minutes of the date I found myself staring at his beer trying to will him to finish it so I could leave.  He pretty much lost my complete interest with the term "LAN party", but it was really the attempt at a shift in topic by asking me to tell him a joke (to which I replied, "Um...I don't think I've told a joke since those '101 Jokes about School' books when I was about 7") and then him proceeding to tell me a string of his "favorites" which included a Holocaust joke I found to be in pretty bad taste.  Even if he is Jewish.  Perhaps especially if he is...and as far as "witty banter" is concerned, he would start it, but whenever I would respond he would assure me he was "just kidding" and apologize that his humor is very sarcastic.  To which I would respond, "Yeah, I...(trail off in defeat)."  This happened about 4 times.

However, since I'm the complete idiot who can't get her mind and calendar in sync and, therefore, started the date out on the wrong foot, I do want to close this post by giving Dan points and acknowledging a good move on his part.  During our conversations, he asked me why I had decided on my specific major in Undergrad, which I had never been asked before and was a really good question.  So, kudos, Dan!!

The One with the More Interesting Bartender...

So, I was not at all nervous about this date.  The online profile he had responded to is one that recounts the, we'll say "mishaps" of a certain date (he was shocked when I told him all of the mishaps were from only one date) followed by a request made to the men of Baltimore for a good date.  In his response, he obliged even if it was just as friends or "for science".  PERFECT!! :)  Now, whether guys ever actually mean that or he's just full of it is yet to be determined, but, nonetheless he seemed like a perfectly nice guy and totally someone I'd be friends with in real life, so we met up for drinks.  He had chosen a bar I went to a couple of weeks ago for the first time and had gotten along with one of the bartenders quite well.  Admittedly, in the back of my mind I was wondering if he'd be there that night.  While he was in fact there, I actually spent the first part of the date quite distracted by another element.  Here's where I'm about to get a little bit vulnerable with you guys...I sweat like a man (thanks, Dad).  Now, this wonderful trait is usually the most evident while I'm dancing, which isn't a huge deal since I am in no way alone in this  falibility, especially in the summer, but it is definitely a trait that likes to rear its ugly head at other--sometimes completely inappropriate--occasions.  In this matter, it was completely my fault, but still quite distracting.  I ended up parking my car a riduculously (and completely unnecessarily) far distance away from the bar.  It was quite warm yesterday, if you'll remember, so walking about 7 blocks was not really the best idea.  The main problem was that in situations like that where I'm trying to put the heat out of my mind, it ends up just catching up to me once I'm sitting and resting.  Hence, spending the first half hour of the date thinking "Oh my GOD!  I feel disgusting!" and trying not to be too distracted by the whole situation.

Overall, it was a perfectly fine date and we found common ground in many areas.  He had been involved in theater before as well and he ended up asking me if I missed it--which I had not been asked in a very long time.  He's also a big foodie, so we discussed cooking and restaurants and such, and there were no real breaks or awkward pauses at all.  But one of the observations I've made about these dates is that with the lack of witty banter, it ends up feeling much more like a job interview or business meeting than a date.  I'll admit--I'm a total sucker for witty banter and, I'm sure based in great part to the family I grew up in, find it completely necessary for any type of true chemistry.  I'm sure this is why the cumulative 5-10 minute interaction with the bartender is the only really memorable interaction from the evening.  Especially since I had to defend myself from one of his jabs while in the middle of a story I was telling to my date.  In hindsight, maybe not the best move, but seriously!  Whatever, he started it, I'm just saying!  Anyway, back to the date, like I said he was a nice guy and I think we could be good friends, but beyond that it may not go much farther.  As far as the bar is concerned--I'm definitely a fan of banter with the bartender (he's also quite a fan of my tattoo), so I'm sure I'll be back there at some point when I feel like going out and being verbally accosted :)

So, from here on out, I have another date tonight and then will be cutting back a bit due to schoolwork, but will be sure to use a slow week to share the Tale of Eagle Tattoo Guy (its epic--you won't want to miss it) as well as a reflective post in the next month-ish on general observations and things I've been learning over the course of this experiment.  This has certainly been a learning experience.  Thanks for reading and for leaving such wonderfully positive feedback!!  You guys are awesome :)

The One with the Weekend of Surprising Dates...

My second date, Preston, was certainly more interesting than the first one, although the hopes for a second date are about the same.  I felt instantly comfortable with him and when he stood up from the table and went in for a hug, it was no problem.  In all honesty, save for a few awkward pauses in conversation, it was almost a perfect first date.  It lasted about an hour, when the waittress asked if we wanted food after our drink orders, we stuck to drinks (I can't tell you how many of these guys don't understand that concept), and he was very pleasant and interesting.  We talked about our mutual love for Baltimore, how we prefer Baltimore to D.C., our families, our tattoos (he had several over his arms), music, movies...it was quite nice.  As I mentioned, there were a few pauses in conversation, but it wasn't unbearable by any means.  So, we had a few drinks, the offer was made to maybe get together for drinks again, a hug good-bye, we went our seperate ways, and I called a friend to meet me for drinks at a bar down the street and had a lovely evening.

On Sunday, I was actually expecting two dates, but ended up with one that was in and of itself surprising.  I was supposed to have a brunch date that never actually came to fruition (eh, no harm, no foul).

Then, Sunday night I had a date with a guy that I was sure was going to be a disaster.  This guy's profile was ridiculous and only managed to make him seem like he would date himself if he could; he was that incredible.  The only issue was that he didn't really provide anything that seemed to back up this belief.  So, after driving out of the city to meet him, I walk up and he's waiting outside.  He's actually quite attractive (you couldn't tell completely by the ONE--ridiculous--photo on his profile) and pleasant, so we go inside and sit down at the bar.  Overall, I was very pleasantly surprised by the date.  There were no breaks in conversation, it was all very nice, and the date progressed naturally.  He did keep making suggestions to go to another bar down the street, which I had to redirect every time.  So, we started with drinks and after we were able to keep the conversation going for a while we ordered food as well.  The only real issue was that while the conversation began by discussing beers and alcohol (we were in a pub, anyway) it really didn't stray from that topic for about 80% of the date.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm Irish--I can talk beer, wine, and whiskey for hours and I've got stories of my own, but when we have a hard time moving on in the conversation it always makes me a little wary.  Eventually we talked about school and touched on family and such, but somehow the conversation always went back to one of his "oh and then my friends and I went out..." stories.  Some that included driving when no one had any business doing so.  Also, we got a complimentary shot and he made us do that "twisting the arms" thing--you know what I'm talking about?  It was a little weird.    He walked me to my car, we said good-bye, and that was it.  Also, not a great kisser...at all, really.  So, between all of that and wondering if the date seemed to go so well in comparison to the disaster I expected, I simply left it at face value:  a suprisingly nice date.

Well, I have a couple of dates this week, but things will probably slow down a bit after that.  Once again, we'll see what happens...

The One with the Waiter I Dated...

So, last night was my first date for the experiment.  What ended up happening was so hysterical, I had to keep from busting out laughing while walking to my car.   I'm actually still laughing about it...anyway, so Joe (yeah, we'll call him Joe) wanted to meet for drinks during happy hour at a restaurant downtown.  The restaurant he chose, however, happened to be the workplace of a waiter I went on a few dates with and I hadn't been back since he stopped calling.  For the sake of the story, we'll call the waiter Jason.

I told Joe that I'd meet him at the bar and in hindsight I'm SO glad I walked in through the door near the bar rather than the main door, as Jason was actually at the host stand.  Wow, that would have been awkward...so I scan the bar and don't see anyone resembling Joe, when I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around and there he is.  And he's old.  And while I went in for a handshake, he wanted a hug.  Blurg.  Also, while I was counting on just drinks, he was adamant about ordering food, which always increases the time (and subsequent awkwardness) of the date.  Double blurg.

So, I sit down and glance at the host stand and even though the guy that was standing there has his back to me, I'm about 90% sure its Jason.  But, back to Joe--so we sit down, the waittress (who was just lovely, I must say) takes my drink order, suggests one of the happy hour dishes (which was delicious), and then left us to fend for ourselves.  Honestly, the date was pretty uneventful.  Except for the fact that about 15 minutes in, not only did Jason walk by, but he recognized me.  And not only did he recognize me, but he waved.  I waved back, but then had to try desperately to keep from laughing.  But that's not even the last of it.  So, about 10 minutes before the date ended, we ran out of things to talk about (as I figured we would), I had pretty much checked out and was ready to bolt for the door, and Joe is making comments about how I seem "nervous" (which only annoyed me, really, because I was just done and wanted to leave).   It is at this moment when Jason approaches the table to say hi and tell me its nice to see me.  Now, earlier Joe had said "I have to tell you, you have beautiful eyes" and I was like "meh, okay".  But Jason says "Hi" and I'm like "Dammit!  I forgot how cute he is!"  Then, when he walked away, Joe was like "Oh, I see now."  At that point, I had to lie and say "Oh, yeah, I went out on a few dates with that guy about a year ago and I completely forgot he worked here.  Ha ha ha."

Finally, the date is over, he makes me hug him AGAIN and we leave, of course passing the host stand where Jason and I exchange words again and Joe and I part ways.  I got about half a block before I started chuckling to myself at the absurdity that was the past 1.5 hours.  Honestly, without the "Jason interaction", it would have been a pretty uneventful date to discuss.  He was nice enough, interested, and generally a good guy, but there was really nothing there at all.  Not only were we looking for completely different things out of the date--and life in general--but there's no way he would have been able to keep up with me; even if I was interested.

So, there it is...I think we're off to a good start and I have a pretty busy weekend ahead of me.  I do have higher hopes for my next date, though, so we'll see :)

The Social Experiment Begins, Pt. 2: A Little Clarification

Today is the day the experiment officially starts.  Before I begin contacting the future participants, however, I have decided that a bit of clarification is needed regarding a few aspects of the experiment and it's limitations.

First of all, it should definitely be noted that this experiment is in no way a "quest for a husband" or any other sort of lame, romantic comedy-type scenario.  Seriously guys, that stuff doesn't happen in real life.   This experiment is inspired in great part to an article I read on Jezebel recently titled "Surprise! You're 30!" (http://jezebel.com/5806042/surprise-youre-30).  In the advice the author gives to her 20-something readers, she lists a few points regarding the nature of their dating life; most notably "Speaking of 'types', get over having one.  Your type is human.  Date them."  Upon reading this, I realized that although I only have roughly 7.5 months left in my 20s, I spent most of that decade NOT doing exactly as the author suggested (for reasons that need not be discussed at this time).  While I was initially depressed by this fact, I ultimately decided to alter my perspective and take action instead.

Which brings me to my next point:  experiment limitations.   Although there is a part of me that is excited about entering my 30s (I've heard great things), I also feel that to deprive myself of the phenomenon of serial dating would be doing my future self a disservice.  So, I'm making the most of the 7.5 months left of my 20s and making up for lost time.  At that point, I'll decide whether or not to continue with the study and extend the deadline.  The last limitation that has been brought to my attention over the past couple of days--by a friend we'll call Dr. Mario--includes the possibility of dating friends.  The limitation:  there will be no dating of friends.  While I'm willing to put myself into completely awkward situations with total strangers, I refuse to do so with my current circle of friends.  The End.

I must say I have been pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive feedback on this plan.  I'm excited to get started and see what stories come out of this experiment.  Have a great 4th of July, everyone!!

The Social Experiment Begins...

So here's the story:  I am currently a 29 year old, attractive, interesting, single woman living in the wonderful city of Baltimore.  Currently unemployed, I am facing--among other issues--a slight case of depression and disinterest in life in general and especially my dating life.  After conversations with friends and--admittedly--a few Makers Mark and Cokes on my behalf, the idea that a good use of my time could be donated to the dating aspect of my life was presented in the form of a social experiment of sorts (seemingly, it would be the aspect of my life over which I would have the most control). Never one to turn down a good social experiment, I obliged. And, thus, this blog was born.  A beautiful story, don't you think?  

So, this blog will be used to chronicle my adventures in the dating world with the help of the two sites I have profiles on--Match.com and OKCupid--as well as the occasional evening to a happy hour or bar (discussed below).  However, as with any good study, there are a few rules for the experiment:

1.  I will be writing under the pseudonym Reese Holden and all dates will all be written with pseudonyms as well.

2.  I must accept any request for a date on either site--e-mails, winks, ANYTHING.

3.  On OKCupid, any e-mails regarding "so-and-so is checking you out" or "so-and-so have added you as a favorite" MUST be responded to in an effort to set up a date.

4.  Any evening date-free, I must either choose to attend a happy hour to a random bar of a friend's choice or must search either OKCupid or Match for a date online.  If the latter results in 5 rejections, the choice will default to the former.

5.  The only rule for conversation on the first date:  You can't ask what I do.

6.  Now, for the restrictions:  Since this is Baltimore, I am free to discard "people who will probably rape and/or kill" me.  Otherwise, I am only able to apply the following restrictions--
     a. In an effort to keep this experiment as close-to-home as possible, any potential matches farther than 20 miles from Baltimore are excluded.
     b. In an effort to remain age-appropriate, no matches under the age of 26 will be considered and those over the age of 45 will require a serious judgement call.
     c. Additionally, while normally all guys with children would be discarded, for the sake of the experiment everyone is fair game.


You guys, I am not going to lie--I fully expect this to be both terrifying and hysterical at the same time.  I currently have 15 potential date subjects in my inbox, and the ones with "hott" and "coolguy" in their screennames are going to prove to be very worthwhile to the experiment, I think :)  So, from here on out, its pretty self-explanatory--I go on dates, I come home and write about them, and you guys read them.  The experiment is officially set to commence after the July 4th weekend.  Alright, Baltimore, show me what you've got!!