So, due to some scheduling conflicts and increased school workload this week, I ended up not having any additional dates. I should have at least two new stories for you next week, however, while recounting the following story to a friend today I realized that while I didn't go out this week I still had the material for a pretty humorous blog post to hold you guys over.
So, this weekend, I received a message on one of my sites from a guy very eager to take me out. His message stated that he loved my profile and thought we had a lot of things in common. And then he listed all of them. As is usually the case, it wasn't so much that he had made a list, but there were some items he included on the list that you usually don't bring up on a first date--let alone the first written communication with a stranger. In response to my desire to work in adoption, he mentioned he was adopted (okay...relatively benign), he said he liked that I used the the phrase "we'll go from there" because he uses that phrase all the time (um...doesn't everybody use that phrase?), and then he mentioned he agreed with one of my favorite movie choices and planned on singing one of the lullabies from that movie to his children someday (what?!?!?). I'm sorry, I draw the line at hypothetical future children. I can't imagine his reaction if I told him my hypothetical future children are adopted. At the end of the message, he did ask me out, so I had to oblige. Plus, he was really harmless, just a bit overeager is all. So, I send him a message back saying I'd love to meet up for drinks sometime, blah, blah, blah. He sends a response saying meeting for drinks would be great and then says he has a few questions about the date. Another list....this one had numbers! And all he was asking were logistics--when, where, are we meeting there--but they apparently needed numbers. So, I sent a reply back with a place and time and everything and everything was set up. I even got a reply from him saying he was excited and everything. The next morning I woke up and saw another message from him in my inbox. The message stated that he hated to have to do this, but after looking over my profile again, he decided that we may not be as compatible as he initially thought. I laughed for about 5 minutes straight!! Mind you--this happened over the course of about 48 hours. I also went back to my profile to try to figure out what it could possibly have been that scared this guy away. So, while my week was date-free, I was glad to have an entertaining story to share anyway. Next week, I have a couple of dates set up who are not claiming incompatibility.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
The One with the First Date with a Dad...
So, I've had to back off on the serial dating due to my demanding graduate courses, but I'm definitely still out there and have a pretty good story to share with you guys today. Overall, the date fell squarely in the middle of the spectrum--not great, not terrible. The date itself lasted 2 hours and by then I was definitely done and ready to go. Not to mention, we ended having some pretty thought-provoking conversations so my brain was tired as well (not altogether a bad thing). This date was the first guy from the experiment who also had a child. Normally, I don't accept dates from men with children, but as per the experiment, I had to oblige. He didn't talk about his son at all on the date and we did find several things to talk about, but once again, there was a lack of witty banter and he actually almost seemed to take offense when I would try to make a joke or even just state the truth. For example, when he first got there he had asked if we were doing drinks or dinner or what and I replied that I had already eaten. He backed up, throwing up his hands and said "Oh, well alright then." (Um, okay...) Besides the fact that in all my messages to these potential dates I suggest drinks, and the date is always set up that way--it should have already been understood.
Anyway, we found a table and he went to get us drinks and while we were able to keep conversation going and had things to talk about, I'm not sure how well we match up. We have both travelled (although he has travelled far more places than I have) and shared stories from our respective journeys. He had mentioned that he loves stories, but in all honesty he's not that great at telling them and seemed to have a hard time coming up with them even though he's had more experiences. He was also about 8 years older than me--which I didn't think would be a problem. However, I definitely feel that while we may intellectually match up on some levels, I think we are just in completely different places in our lives. I had to bring an end to the date and he left the ball in my court in terms of a second, but I'm honestly still undecided on what I want to do. While the deeper conversation was great, he also wasn't willing to come to any conclusion with the issue at hand. And I'm not one to sit around beating a dead horse from every angle...at least not in one sitting. Anyway, after the date I met up with some friends for some post-date drinks and discussion and had probably one of the best nights out I've had in a long time :) As for a second date...I guess we'll see what happens.
Anyway, we found a table and he went to get us drinks and while we were able to keep conversation going and had things to talk about, I'm not sure how well we match up. We have both travelled (although he has travelled far more places than I have) and shared stories from our respective journeys. He had mentioned that he loves stories, but in all honesty he's not that great at telling them and seemed to have a hard time coming up with them even though he's had more experiences. He was also about 8 years older than me--which I didn't think would be a problem. However, I definitely feel that while we may intellectually match up on some levels, I think we are just in completely different places in our lives. I had to bring an end to the date and he left the ball in my court in terms of a second, but I'm honestly still undecided on what I want to do. While the deeper conversation was great, he also wasn't willing to come to any conclusion with the issue at hand. And I'm not one to sit around beating a dead horse from every angle...at least not in one sitting. Anyway, after the date I met up with some friends for some post-date drinks and discussion and had probably one of the best nights out I've had in a long time :) As for a second date...I guess we'll see what happens.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The One with the Guy Who Would Not Listen...
This date is my last one for the week as I'm taking the rest of the week off from the experiment. I've been having a lot of fun and definitely meeting some interesting people and have loved sharing this experience with all of you. I'm learning a lot! It should also be said that the post you're about to read was both difficult and cathartic to write. I'm definitely looking forward to my time off from the experiment this week. Anyway, on to the date:
We met up at a bar down in Fells and had a couple of beers before it started getting a bit too loud. The conversation was a little slow getting started. We discussed the general things--career, hobbies and interests, movies, music and while we did eventually hit a rhythm, there wasn't really a spark. Eventually we ended up walking down to another pub that had a blues band playing and it was nice to sit there and listen for a bit. The date itself was pleasant, but the real problem came with the guy I was with. He seemed nice and over the course of the date said some very nice and complimentary things, but there was a constant, underlying aggressive streak that I found to be quite unattractive. It wasn't so much physical aggressiveness, but there were certain conversation topics that he used to make sure I knew what he wanted and was very unforgiving if I wanted something different. Now, I've gone out with overbearing guys before--guys who felt that they knew who I was and what I wanted better than I did--and while I found it to be pretentious and annoying, I was usually at least able to make myself heard and reach common ground. It should also be said that I tend to like a bit of aggressiveness in a guy, but typically the aggressiveness will be paired with a general respect for each other and shows itself more in witty banter and innocent sparring than in intimidation tactics.
The biggest way this aggressiveness was shown was when the topic of dating and relationships came up. It was originally brought up in the form of asking me--innocently--what I was looking for in a relationship. I was up front every single time this topic came up that I was not looking for a relationship. I have mentioned in previous posts that by taking on this experiment, a relationship is not my goal in any way and honestly, its going to take something--or someone--pretty incredible for me to stop this experiment to pursue one. While I didn't disclose the experiment to my date, I basically relayed the same information to him and he was not having any of it. He was adamant that he felt a connection to me, when he found out we had the same tattoo artist he claimed it was a "sign", and at one point accused me of having a fear of commitment as the reason I wouldn't consider dating him. I'm not saying he's not right--which I told him--but I certainly did not appreciate the tone with which he chose to relay his "wisdom" upon me. Besides, he can feel this "connection" all he wants, if I'm not feeling it I don't see why I should be verbally accosted for it. He had also shared other pieces of information with me that led me to believe that his dating life--and life in general--was going in one direction and he was hoping I would be able to change that direction. Again, I was very up front about how this proposition sounded and that I was in no position to promise him something like that. He ended up walking me to my car and kissing me goodnight--which, okay, that's fine. But I'm a little self-conscious about PDA in general so grabbing my ass in public...yeah, that's not cool. He was still very interested in setting up a second date, but I was able to appease him with the fact that I had his number, so I would contact him as I'd rather keep the ball in my court. Honestly, if he pushed the issue any farther, he was going to be feeling my right hook instead of this bogus "connection". And that was the end of that.
If nothing else, this date was probably the greatest learning experience of them all so far. In all honesty, the only reason we ended up at the second bar was because he didn't want it to end. I was perfectly ready to say goodnight, but because of a mix of not wanting to send him home disappointed and my strange masochism that wants to see how awful some dates can become, I agreed to continue. In the future, I'll recognize the warning signs earlier on and will not be afraid to take the control back. I believe that lesson was worth the extra hours I had to spend being berated by this guy. (Seriously, fear of commitment--what an ass!!!) See you all next week!!!
We met up at a bar down in Fells and had a couple of beers before it started getting a bit too loud. The conversation was a little slow getting started. We discussed the general things--career, hobbies and interests, movies, music and while we did eventually hit a rhythm, there wasn't really a spark. Eventually we ended up walking down to another pub that had a blues band playing and it was nice to sit there and listen for a bit. The date itself was pleasant, but the real problem came with the guy I was with. He seemed nice and over the course of the date said some very nice and complimentary things, but there was a constant, underlying aggressive streak that I found to be quite unattractive. It wasn't so much physical aggressiveness, but there were certain conversation topics that he used to make sure I knew what he wanted and was very unforgiving if I wanted something different. Now, I've gone out with overbearing guys before--guys who felt that they knew who I was and what I wanted better than I did--and while I found it to be pretentious and annoying, I was usually at least able to make myself heard and reach common ground. It should also be said that I tend to like a bit of aggressiveness in a guy, but typically the aggressiveness will be paired with a general respect for each other and shows itself more in witty banter and innocent sparring than in intimidation tactics.
The biggest way this aggressiveness was shown was when the topic of dating and relationships came up. It was originally brought up in the form of asking me--innocently--what I was looking for in a relationship. I was up front every single time this topic came up that I was not looking for a relationship. I have mentioned in previous posts that by taking on this experiment, a relationship is not my goal in any way and honestly, its going to take something--or someone--pretty incredible for me to stop this experiment to pursue one. While I didn't disclose the experiment to my date, I basically relayed the same information to him and he was not having any of it. He was adamant that he felt a connection to me, when he found out we had the same tattoo artist he claimed it was a "sign", and at one point accused me of having a fear of commitment as the reason I wouldn't consider dating him. I'm not saying he's not right--which I told him--but I certainly did not appreciate the tone with which he chose to relay his "wisdom" upon me. Besides, he can feel this "connection" all he wants, if I'm not feeling it I don't see why I should be verbally accosted for it. He had also shared other pieces of information with me that led me to believe that his dating life--and life in general--was going in one direction and he was hoping I would be able to change that direction. Again, I was very up front about how this proposition sounded and that I was in no position to promise him something like that. He ended up walking me to my car and kissing me goodnight--which, okay, that's fine. But I'm a little self-conscious about PDA in general so grabbing my ass in public...yeah, that's not cool. He was still very interested in setting up a second date, but I was able to appease him with the fact that I had his number, so I would contact him as I'd rather keep the ball in my court. Honestly, if he pushed the issue any farther, he was going to be feeling my right hook instead of this bogus "connection". And that was the end of that.
If nothing else, this date was probably the greatest learning experience of them all so far. In all honesty, the only reason we ended up at the second bar was because he didn't want it to end. I was perfectly ready to say goodnight, but because of a mix of not wanting to send him home disappointed and my strange masochism that wants to see how awful some dates can become, I agreed to continue. In the future, I'll recognize the warning signs earlier on and will not be afraid to take the control back. I believe that lesson was worth the extra hours I had to spend being berated by this guy. (Seriously, fear of commitment--what an ass!!!) See you all next week!!!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
The One with the Guy Who Was A Little Too Intense...
**This post may not be for the faint of heart--I'm pretty sure (and really hoping) this is as bad as it gets. Consider yourselves warned.**
I'll be honest with you guys, this last date left me a little shaken up. I was quite glad when I got in my car and saw a text from a friend offering to meet up for drinks before that night's dance. I wasn't scared for my life in any way or anything, but this guy was definitely a little intense. And not in that smoldering, passionate, sexy way, but in that "Maybe these thoughts should be saved for your therapist" kind of way.
This guy asked me out through my account with Match (yes ladies and gentlemen, I paid for this experience). My profile there was actually written by a couple of my friends in an effort to put a unique spin on it. His initial message was written to address said friends and request a date. While there may have been a few red flags in his profile, he could at least write well and seemed intelligent. I'm telling you, this was one of those situations where hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, we decided to meet for coffee and I was pretty much expecting the worst. In some ways, I was tragically right. He was just so nervous, which in turn made me pretty uncomfortable. We started talking about my Masters program and I started discussing the various social issues I spent that time writing about. The thing is, we saw eye to eye on several topics and would go back and forth a bit, but every conversation would end up dying. Rather abruptly. Additionally, my overall observation regarding his reactions and conversation style was that while there was an intensity there--which may or may not have been an expression of feeling passionately about the subject at hand--there really was no range of emotion, which I found to be quite unsettling.
Over the course of the date, things really just got progressively uncomfortable and weird. I learned about his current mental issues (which, upon reflection, remembered he was actually quite open about it on his profile), what medications he is on currently (as well as the subsequent side effects), his reasoning behind his current employment choice at a convenience store (yeah...yeah), and he pulled out his journal to show me. I don't scare easily, but I'm telling you guys--I thought I was staring at a prop from A Beautiful Mind. Now, I want to be Jennifer Connelly as much as the next girl, but that's taking it a bit too far. And then there was this lovely exchange:
Me: Talking about whiskey
Chris*: So, do you puff?
Me: I'm sorry?
Chris: Do you puff? Do you smoke pot?
Me: Oh, um, no. No, I don't smoke at all...holy shit, where did that come from?!?
Chris: Oh, okay.
**Only about two minutes later**
Chris: reaches into backpack. Do you have a purse or something?
Me: Yeah...
Chris: Here, I brought you something. Places small brown paper bag on the table.
No joke, I sat there for at least 10 seconds before picking up that bag. Inside it was just a small bottle of Makers Mark, but still...
Anyway, after all of that, the last 15 minutes were quite excrutiating. The discussion flow had pretty much died, he even mentioned an analogy describing flying a plane while cranking the engine or something...and even after that it took 10 more minutes before we got up to leave. I was so happy to get out of there and got out without having to hand over any more contact information and haven't heard from him since. While I do hope he keeps on top of his goals and issues, I think its best that we go our seperate ways. The End :)
*As always, a pseudonym.
I'll be honest with you guys, this last date left me a little shaken up. I was quite glad when I got in my car and saw a text from a friend offering to meet up for drinks before that night's dance. I wasn't scared for my life in any way or anything, but this guy was definitely a little intense. And not in that smoldering, passionate, sexy way, but in that "Maybe these thoughts should be saved for your therapist" kind of way.
This guy asked me out through my account with Match (yes ladies and gentlemen, I paid for this experience). My profile there was actually written by a couple of my friends in an effort to put a unique spin on it. His initial message was written to address said friends and request a date. While there may have been a few red flags in his profile, he could at least write well and seemed intelligent. I'm telling you, this was one of those situations where hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, we decided to meet for coffee and I was pretty much expecting the worst. In some ways, I was tragically right. He was just so nervous, which in turn made me pretty uncomfortable. We started talking about my Masters program and I started discussing the various social issues I spent that time writing about. The thing is, we saw eye to eye on several topics and would go back and forth a bit, but every conversation would end up dying. Rather abruptly. Additionally, my overall observation regarding his reactions and conversation style was that while there was an intensity there--which may or may not have been an expression of feeling passionately about the subject at hand--there really was no range of emotion, which I found to be quite unsettling.
Over the course of the date, things really just got progressively uncomfortable and weird. I learned about his current mental issues (which, upon reflection, remembered he was actually quite open about it on his profile), what medications he is on currently (as well as the subsequent side effects), his reasoning behind his current employment choice at a convenience store (yeah...yeah), and he pulled out his journal to show me. I don't scare easily, but I'm telling you guys--I thought I was staring at a prop from A Beautiful Mind. Now, I want to be Jennifer Connelly as much as the next girl, but that's taking it a bit too far. And then there was this lovely exchange:
Me: Talking about whiskey
Chris*: So, do you puff?
Me: I'm sorry?
Chris: Do you puff? Do you smoke pot?
Me: Oh, um, no. No, I don't smoke at all...holy shit, where did that come from?!?
Chris: Oh, okay.
**Only about two minutes later**
Chris: reaches into backpack. Do you have a purse or something?
Me: Yeah...
Chris: Here, I brought you something. Places small brown paper bag on the table.
No joke, I sat there for at least 10 seconds before picking up that bag. Inside it was just a small bottle of Makers Mark, but still...
Anyway, after all of that, the last 15 minutes were quite excrutiating. The discussion flow had pretty much died, he even mentioned an analogy describing flying a plane while cranking the engine or something...and even after that it took 10 more minutes before we got up to leave. I was so happy to get out of there and got out without having to hand over any more contact information and haven't heard from him since. While I do hope he keeps on top of his goals and issues, I think its best that we go our seperate ways. The End :)
*As always, a pseudonym.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The One with the Hour Delay...
So, last night I was expecting disaster--I actually had an escape plan ready--but I wasn't expecting it to be mostly my fault. You know when in every calendar and list you write down an appointment as one time, but in your head it is somehow a different time. Yeah...that happened. This date was also one that had seen my profile chronicling a bad date and we had a few back-and-forth messages discussing said date, as well as to set the time and place for our date. Even though on my calendars it was marked as 7, somehow it was in my head as 8. Around 7:30, I'm finishing up last-minute things before heading out the door which includes checking my messages one last time. When I checked my e-mail, I saw one that had been forwarded from the dating site from my date saying he was there. After frantically scrolling through the messages--which did in fact say we were meeting at 7--sending a text msg to his phone saying I was on my way and apologizing and shouting out several choice explecitives, I was out the door.
In an attempt to grasp for a bit of regained pride, it should be said that if the date was at 8, I would have been on time. Anyway, I showed up and went down to the pub and he was sitting there at the end of the bar. So, I sit down and apologize profusely and he makes a comment about how it will probably be him adding a story to his profile (rather than me adding to mine about an additional bad date) and I agreed. I sat there feeling pretty much like a complete asshole for the first 15 minutes of the date, especially after the following exchange (we'll call my date Dan):
Dan: Yeah, I was going to get us a table, but when you weren't here yet, they wouldn't hold it.
Me: Bah! Well, I like sitting at the bar better anyway.
Dan: Oh, because on your profile it said something about preferring sitting at a table over sitting at the bar...
Me: *Pause* Huh...you know what, I think I did (still thinking that doesn't sound 100% right). Hmmm...well, maybe I need to make some edits.
(In my defense, I checked on this when I went home and my profile states that if we were meeting for drinks--which we were--the bar was perfectly fine, but if we were meeting for a meal or food of some sort, perhaps getting a table would be nice.)
The rest of the date seemed to be slightly tainted with my mishap, but in all honesty, even if it hadn't happened, I'm not sure how well the date would have gone. We did have some things in common and fruitful conversation topics, but by the last 15-20 minutes of the date I found myself staring at his beer trying to will him to finish it so I could leave. He pretty much lost my complete interest with the term "LAN party", but it was really the attempt at a shift in topic by asking me to tell him a joke (to which I replied, "Um...I don't think I've told a joke since those '101 Jokes about School' books when I was about 7") and then him proceeding to tell me a string of his "favorites" which included a Holocaust joke I found to be in pretty bad taste. Even if he is Jewish. Perhaps especially if he is...and as far as "witty banter" is concerned, he would start it, but whenever I would respond he would assure me he was "just kidding" and apologize that his humor is very sarcastic. To which I would respond, "Yeah, I...(trail off in defeat)." This happened about 4 times.
However, since I'm the complete idiot who can't get her mind and calendar in sync and, therefore, started the date out on the wrong foot, I do want to close this post by giving Dan points and acknowledging a good move on his part. During our conversations, he asked me why I had decided on my specific major in Undergrad, which I had never been asked before and was a really good question. So, kudos, Dan!!
In an attempt to grasp for a bit of regained pride, it should be said that if the date was at 8, I would have been on time. Anyway, I showed up and went down to the pub and he was sitting there at the end of the bar. So, I sit down and apologize profusely and he makes a comment about how it will probably be him adding a story to his profile (rather than me adding to mine about an additional bad date) and I agreed. I sat there feeling pretty much like a complete asshole for the first 15 minutes of the date, especially after the following exchange (we'll call my date Dan):
Dan: Yeah, I was going to get us a table, but when you weren't here yet, they wouldn't hold it.
Me: Bah! Well, I like sitting at the bar better anyway.
Dan: Oh, because on your profile it said something about preferring sitting at a table over sitting at the bar...
Me: *Pause* Huh...you know what, I think I did (still thinking that doesn't sound 100% right). Hmmm...well, maybe I need to make some edits.
(In my defense, I checked on this when I went home and my profile states that if we were meeting for drinks--which we were--the bar was perfectly fine, but if we were meeting for a meal or food of some sort, perhaps getting a table would be nice.)
The rest of the date seemed to be slightly tainted with my mishap, but in all honesty, even if it hadn't happened, I'm not sure how well the date would have gone. We did have some things in common and fruitful conversation topics, but by the last 15-20 minutes of the date I found myself staring at his beer trying to will him to finish it so I could leave. He pretty much lost my complete interest with the term "LAN party", but it was really the attempt at a shift in topic by asking me to tell him a joke (to which I replied, "Um...I don't think I've told a joke since those '101 Jokes about School' books when I was about 7") and then him proceeding to tell me a string of his "favorites" which included a Holocaust joke I found to be in pretty bad taste. Even if he is Jewish. Perhaps especially if he is...and as far as "witty banter" is concerned, he would start it, but whenever I would respond he would assure me he was "just kidding" and apologize that his humor is very sarcastic. To which I would respond, "Yeah, I...(trail off in defeat)." This happened about 4 times.
However, since I'm the complete idiot who can't get her mind and calendar in sync and, therefore, started the date out on the wrong foot, I do want to close this post by giving Dan points and acknowledging a good move on his part. During our conversations, he asked me why I had decided on my specific major in Undergrad, which I had never been asked before and was a really good question. So, kudos, Dan!!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
The One with the More Interesting Bartender...
So, I was not at all nervous about this date. The online profile he had responded to is one that recounts the, we'll say "mishaps" of a certain date (he was shocked when I told him all of the mishaps were from only one date) followed by a request made to the men of Baltimore for a good date. In his response, he obliged even if it was just as friends or "for science". PERFECT!! :) Now, whether guys ever actually mean that or he's just full of it is yet to be determined, but, nonetheless he seemed like a perfectly nice guy and totally someone I'd be friends with in real life, so we met up for drinks. He had chosen a bar I went to a couple of weeks ago for the first time and had gotten along with one of the bartenders quite well. Admittedly, in the back of my mind I was wondering if he'd be there that night. While he was in fact there, I actually spent the first part of the date quite distracted by another element. Here's where I'm about to get a little bit vulnerable with you guys...I sweat like a man (thanks, Dad). Now, this wonderful trait is usually the most evident while I'm dancing, which isn't a huge deal since I am in no way alone in this falibility, especially in the summer, but it is definitely a trait that likes to rear its ugly head at other--sometimes completely inappropriate--occasions. In this matter, it was completely my fault, but still quite distracting. I ended up parking my car a riduculously (and completely unnecessarily) far distance away from the bar. It was quite warm yesterday, if you'll remember, so walking about 7 blocks was not really the best idea. The main problem was that in situations like that where I'm trying to put the heat out of my mind, it ends up just catching up to me once I'm sitting and resting. Hence, spending the first half hour of the date thinking "Oh my GOD! I feel disgusting!" and trying not to be too distracted by the whole situation.
Overall, it was a perfectly fine date and we found common ground in many areas. He had been involved in theater before as well and he ended up asking me if I missed it--which I had not been asked in a very long time. He's also a big foodie, so we discussed cooking and restaurants and such, and there were no real breaks or awkward pauses at all. But one of the observations I've made about these dates is that with the lack of witty banter, it ends up feeling much more like a job interview or business meeting than a date. I'll admit--I'm a total sucker for witty banter and, I'm sure based in great part to the family I grew up in, find it completely necessary for any type of true chemistry. I'm sure this is why the cumulative 5-10 minute interaction with the bartender is the only really memorable interaction from the evening. Especially since I had to defend myself from one of his jabs while in the middle of a story I was telling to my date. In hindsight, maybe not the best move, but seriously! Whatever, he started it, I'm just saying! Anyway, back to the date, like I said he was a nice guy and I think we could be good friends, but beyond that it may not go much farther. As far as the bar is concerned--I'm definitely a fan of banter with the bartender (he's also quite a fan of my tattoo), so I'm sure I'll be back there at some point when I feel like going out and being verbally accosted :)
So, from here on out, I have another date tonight and then will be cutting back a bit due to schoolwork, but will be sure to use a slow week to share the Tale of Eagle Tattoo Guy (its epic--you won't want to miss it) as well as a reflective post in the next month-ish on general observations and things I've been learning over the course of this experiment. This has certainly been a learning experience. Thanks for reading and for leaving such wonderfully positive feedback!! You guys are awesome :)
Overall, it was a perfectly fine date and we found common ground in many areas. He had been involved in theater before as well and he ended up asking me if I missed it--which I had not been asked in a very long time. He's also a big foodie, so we discussed cooking and restaurants and such, and there were no real breaks or awkward pauses at all. But one of the observations I've made about these dates is that with the lack of witty banter, it ends up feeling much more like a job interview or business meeting than a date. I'll admit--I'm a total sucker for witty banter and, I'm sure based in great part to the family I grew up in, find it completely necessary for any type of true chemistry. I'm sure this is why the cumulative 5-10 minute interaction with the bartender is the only really memorable interaction from the evening. Especially since I had to defend myself from one of his jabs while in the middle of a story I was telling to my date. In hindsight, maybe not the best move, but seriously! Whatever, he started it, I'm just saying! Anyway, back to the date, like I said he was a nice guy and I think we could be good friends, but beyond that it may not go much farther. As far as the bar is concerned--I'm definitely a fan of banter with the bartender (he's also quite a fan of my tattoo), so I'm sure I'll be back there at some point when I feel like going out and being verbally accosted :)
So, from here on out, I have another date tonight and then will be cutting back a bit due to schoolwork, but will be sure to use a slow week to share the Tale of Eagle Tattoo Guy (its epic--you won't want to miss it) as well as a reflective post in the next month-ish on general observations and things I've been learning over the course of this experiment. This has certainly been a learning experience. Thanks for reading and for leaving such wonderfully positive feedback!! You guys are awesome :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
The One with the Weekend of Surprising Dates...
My second date, Preston, was certainly more interesting than the first one, although the hopes for a second date are about the same. I felt instantly comfortable with him and when he stood up from the table and went in for a hug, it was no problem. In all honesty, save for a few awkward pauses in conversation, it was almost a perfect first date. It lasted about an hour, when the waittress asked if we wanted food after our drink orders, we stuck to drinks (I can't tell you how many of these guys don't understand that concept), and he was very pleasant and interesting. We talked about our mutual love for Baltimore, how we prefer Baltimore to D.C., our families, our tattoos (he had several over his arms), music, movies...it was quite nice. As I mentioned, there were a few pauses in conversation, but it wasn't unbearable by any means. So, we had a few drinks, the offer was made to maybe get together for drinks again, a hug good-bye, we went our seperate ways, and I called a friend to meet me for drinks at a bar down the street and had a lovely evening.
On Sunday, I was actually expecting two dates, but ended up with one that was in and of itself surprising. I was supposed to have a brunch date that never actually came to fruition (eh, no harm, no foul).
Then, Sunday night I had a date with a guy that I was sure was going to be a disaster. This guy's profile was ridiculous and only managed to make him seem like he would date himself if he could; he was that incredible. The only issue was that he didn't really provide anything that seemed to back up this belief. So, after driving out of the city to meet him, I walk up and he's waiting outside. He's actually quite attractive (you couldn't tell completely by the ONE--ridiculous--photo on his profile) and pleasant, so we go inside and sit down at the bar. Overall, I was very pleasantly surprised by the date. There were no breaks in conversation, it was all very nice, and the date progressed naturally. He did keep making suggestions to go to another bar down the street, which I had to redirect every time. So, we started with drinks and after we were able to keep the conversation going for a while we ordered food as well. The only real issue was that while the conversation began by discussing beers and alcohol (we were in a pub, anyway) it really didn't stray from that topic for about 80% of the date. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm Irish--I can talk beer, wine, and whiskey for hours and I've got stories of my own, but when we have a hard time moving on in the conversation it always makes me a little wary. Eventually we talked about school and touched on family and such, but somehow the conversation always went back to one of his "oh and then my friends and I went out..." stories. Some that included driving when no one had any business doing so. Also, we got a complimentary shot and he made us do that "twisting the arms" thing--you know what I'm talking about? It was a little weird. He walked me to my car, we said good-bye, and that was it. Also, not a great kisser...at all, really. So, between all of that and wondering if the date seemed to go so well in comparison to the disaster I expected, I simply left it at face value: a suprisingly nice date.
Well, I have a couple of dates this week, but things will probably slow down a bit after that. Once again, we'll see what happens...
On Sunday, I was actually expecting two dates, but ended up with one that was in and of itself surprising. I was supposed to have a brunch date that never actually came to fruition (eh, no harm, no foul).
Then, Sunday night I had a date with a guy that I was sure was going to be a disaster. This guy's profile was ridiculous and only managed to make him seem like he would date himself if he could; he was that incredible. The only issue was that he didn't really provide anything that seemed to back up this belief. So, after driving out of the city to meet him, I walk up and he's waiting outside. He's actually quite attractive (you couldn't tell completely by the ONE--ridiculous--photo on his profile) and pleasant, so we go inside and sit down at the bar. Overall, I was very pleasantly surprised by the date. There were no breaks in conversation, it was all very nice, and the date progressed naturally. He did keep making suggestions to go to another bar down the street, which I had to redirect every time. So, we started with drinks and after we were able to keep the conversation going for a while we ordered food as well. The only real issue was that while the conversation began by discussing beers and alcohol (we were in a pub, anyway) it really didn't stray from that topic for about 80% of the date. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm Irish--I can talk beer, wine, and whiskey for hours and I've got stories of my own, but when we have a hard time moving on in the conversation it always makes me a little wary. Eventually we talked about school and touched on family and such, but somehow the conversation always went back to one of his "oh and then my friends and I went out..." stories. Some that included driving when no one had any business doing so. Also, we got a complimentary shot and he made us do that "twisting the arms" thing--you know what I'm talking about? It was a little weird. He walked me to my car, we said good-bye, and that was it. Also, not a great kisser...at all, really. So, between all of that and wondering if the date seemed to go so well in comparison to the disaster I expected, I simply left it at face value: a suprisingly nice date.
Well, I have a couple of dates this week, but things will probably slow down a bit after that. Once again, we'll see what happens...
Friday, July 8, 2011
The One with the Waiter I Dated...
So, last night was my first date for the experiment. What ended up happening was so hysterical, I had to keep from busting out laughing while walking to my car. I'm actually still laughing about it...anyway, so Joe (yeah, we'll call him Joe) wanted to meet for drinks during happy hour at a restaurant downtown. The restaurant he chose, however, happened to be the workplace of a waiter I went on a few dates with and I hadn't been back since he stopped calling. For the sake of the story, we'll call the waiter Jason.
I told Joe that I'd meet him at the bar and in hindsight I'm SO glad I walked in through the door near the bar rather than the main door, as Jason was actually at the host stand. Wow, that would have been awkward...so I scan the bar and don't see anyone resembling Joe, when I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around and there he is. And he's old. And while I went in for a handshake, he wanted a hug. Blurg. Also, while I was counting on just drinks, he was adamant about ordering food, which always increases the time (and subsequent awkwardness) of the date. Double blurg.
So, I sit down and glance at the host stand and even though the guy that was standing there has his back to me, I'm about 90% sure its Jason. But, back to Joe--so we sit down, the waittress (who was just lovely, I must say) takes my drink order, suggests one of the happy hour dishes (which was delicious), and then left us to fend for ourselves. Honestly, the date was pretty uneventful. Except for the fact that about 15 minutes in, not only did Jason walk by, but he recognized me. And not only did he recognize me, but he waved. I waved back, but then had to try desperately to keep from laughing. But that's not even the last of it. So, about 10 minutes before the date ended, we ran out of things to talk about (as I figured we would), I had pretty much checked out and was ready to bolt for the door, and Joe is making comments about how I seem "nervous" (which only annoyed me, really, because I was just done and wanted to leave). It is at this moment when Jason approaches the table to say hi and tell me its nice to see me. Now, earlier Joe had said "I have to tell you, you have beautiful eyes" and I was like "meh, okay". But Jason says "Hi" and I'm like "Dammit! I forgot how cute he is!" Then, when he walked away, Joe was like "Oh, I see now." At that point, I had to lie and say "Oh, yeah, I went out on a few dates with that guy about a year ago and I completely forgot he worked here. Ha ha ha."
Finally, the date is over, he makes me hug him AGAIN and we leave, of course passing the host stand where Jason and I exchange words again and Joe and I part ways. I got about half a block before I started chuckling to myself at the absurdity that was the past 1.5 hours. Honestly, without the "Jason interaction", it would have been a pretty uneventful date to discuss. He was nice enough, interested, and generally a good guy, but there was really nothing there at all. Not only were we looking for completely different things out of the date--and life in general--but there's no way he would have been able to keep up with me; even if I was interested.
So, there it is...I think we're off to a good start and I have a pretty busy weekend ahead of me. I do have higher hopes for my next date, though, so we'll see :)
I told Joe that I'd meet him at the bar and in hindsight I'm SO glad I walked in through the door near the bar rather than the main door, as Jason was actually at the host stand. Wow, that would have been awkward...so I scan the bar and don't see anyone resembling Joe, when I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around and there he is. And he's old. And while I went in for a handshake, he wanted a hug. Blurg. Also, while I was counting on just drinks, he was adamant about ordering food, which always increases the time (and subsequent awkwardness) of the date. Double blurg.
So, I sit down and glance at the host stand and even though the guy that was standing there has his back to me, I'm about 90% sure its Jason. But, back to Joe--so we sit down, the waittress (who was just lovely, I must say) takes my drink order, suggests one of the happy hour dishes (which was delicious), and then left us to fend for ourselves. Honestly, the date was pretty uneventful. Except for the fact that about 15 minutes in, not only did Jason walk by, but he recognized me. And not only did he recognize me, but he waved. I waved back, but then had to try desperately to keep from laughing. But that's not even the last of it. So, about 10 minutes before the date ended, we ran out of things to talk about (as I figured we would), I had pretty much checked out and was ready to bolt for the door, and Joe is making comments about how I seem "nervous" (which only annoyed me, really, because I was just done and wanted to leave). It is at this moment when Jason approaches the table to say hi and tell me its nice to see me. Now, earlier Joe had said "I have to tell you, you have beautiful eyes" and I was like "meh, okay". But Jason says "Hi" and I'm like "Dammit! I forgot how cute he is!" Then, when he walked away, Joe was like "Oh, I see now." At that point, I had to lie and say "Oh, yeah, I went out on a few dates with that guy about a year ago and I completely forgot he worked here. Ha ha ha."
Finally, the date is over, he makes me hug him AGAIN and we leave, of course passing the host stand where Jason and I exchange words again and Joe and I part ways. I got about half a block before I started chuckling to myself at the absurdity that was the past 1.5 hours. Honestly, without the "Jason interaction", it would have been a pretty uneventful date to discuss. He was nice enough, interested, and generally a good guy, but there was really nothing there at all. Not only were we looking for completely different things out of the date--and life in general--but there's no way he would have been able to keep up with me; even if I was interested.
So, there it is...I think we're off to a good start and I have a pretty busy weekend ahead of me. I do have higher hopes for my next date, though, so we'll see :)
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Social Experiment Begins, Pt. 2: A Little Clarification
Today is the day the experiment officially starts. Before I begin contacting the future participants, however, I have decided that a bit of clarification is needed regarding a few aspects of the experiment and it's limitations.
First of all, it should definitely be noted that this experiment is in no way a "quest for a husband" or any other sort of lame, romantic comedy-type scenario. Seriously guys, that stuff doesn't happen in real life. This experiment is inspired in great part to an article I read on Jezebel recently titled "Surprise! You're 30!" (http://jezebel.com/5806042/surprise-youre-30). In the advice the author gives to her 20-something readers, she lists a few points regarding the nature of their dating life; most notably "Speaking of 'types', get over having one. Your type is human. Date them." Upon reading this, I realized that although I only have roughly 7.5 months left in my 20s, I spent most of that decade NOT doing exactly as the author suggested (for reasons that need not be discussed at this time). While I was initially depressed by this fact, I ultimately decided to alter my perspective and take action instead.
Which brings me to my next point: experiment limitations. Although there is a part of me that is excited about entering my 30s (I've heard great things), I also feel that to deprive myself of the phenomenon of serial dating would be doing my future self a disservice. So, I'm making the most of the 7.5 months left of my 20s and making up for lost time. At that point, I'll decide whether or not to continue with the study and extend the deadline. The last limitation that has been brought to my attention over the past couple of days--by a friend we'll call Dr. Mario--includes the possibility of dating friends. The limitation: there will be no dating of friends. While I'm willing to put myself into completely awkward situations with total strangers, I refuse to do so with my current circle of friends. The End.
I must say I have been pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive feedback on this plan. I'm excited to get started and see what stories come out of this experiment. Have a great 4th of July, everyone!!
First of all, it should definitely be noted that this experiment is in no way a "quest for a husband" or any other sort of lame, romantic comedy-type scenario. Seriously guys, that stuff doesn't happen in real life. This experiment is inspired in great part to an article I read on Jezebel recently titled "Surprise! You're 30!" (http://jezebel.com/5806042/surprise-youre-30). In the advice the author gives to her 20-something readers, she lists a few points regarding the nature of their dating life; most notably "Speaking of 'types', get over having one. Your type is human. Date them." Upon reading this, I realized that although I only have roughly 7.5 months left in my 20s, I spent most of that decade NOT doing exactly as the author suggested (for reasons that need not be discussed at this time). While I was initially depressed by this fact, I ultimately decided to alter my perspective and take action instead.
Which brings me to my next point: experiment limitations. Although there is a part of me that is excited about entering my 30s (I've heard great things), I also feel that to deprive myself of the phenomenon of serial dating would be doing my future self a disservice. So, I'm making the most of the 7.5 months left of my 20s and making up for lost time. At that point, I'll decide whether or not to continue with the study and extend the deadline. The last limitation that has been brought to my attention over the past couple of days--by a friend we'll call Dr. Mario--includes the possibility of dating friends. The limitation: there will be no dating of friends. While I'm willing to put myself into completely awkward situations with total strangers, I refuse to do so with my current circle of friends. The End.
I must say I have been pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive feedback on this plan. I'm excited to get started and see what stories come out of this experiment. Have a great 4th of July, everyone!!
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Social Experiment Begins...
So here's the story: I am currently a 29 year old, attractive, interesting, single woman living in the wonderful city of Baltimore. Currently unemployed, I am facing--among other issues--a slight case of depression and disinterest in life in general and especially my dating life. After conversations with friends and--admittedly--a few Makers Mark and Cokes on my behalf, the idea that a good use of my time could be donated to the dating aspect of my life was presented in the form of a social experiment of sorts (seemingly, it would be the aspect of my life over which I would have the most control). Never one to turn down a good social experiment, I obliged. And, thus, this blog was born. A beautiful story, don't you think?
So, this blog will be used to chronicle my adventures in the dating world with the help of the two sites I have profiles on--Match.com and OKCupid--as well as the occasional evening to a happy hour or bar (discussed below). However, as with any good study, there are a few rules for the experiment:
1. I will be writing under the pseudonym Reese Holden and all dates will all be written with pseudonyms as well.
2. I must accept any request for a date on either site--e-mails, winks, ANYTHING.
3. On OKCupid, any e-mails regarding "so-and-so is checking you out" or "so-and-so have added you as a favorite" MUST be responded to in an effort to set up a date.
4. Any evening date-free, I must either choose to attend a happy hour to a random bar of a friend's choice or must search either OKCupid or Match for a date online. If the latter results in 5 rejections, the choice will default to the former.
5. The only rule for conversation on the first date: You can't ask what I do.
6. Now, for the restrictions: Since this is Baltimore, I am free to discard "people who will probably rape and/or kill" me. Otherwise, I am only able to apply the following restrictions--
a. In an effort to keep this experiment as close-to-home as possible, any potential matches farther than 20 miles from Baltimore are excluded.
b. In an effort to remain age-appropriate, no matches under the age of 26 will be considered and those over the age of 45 will require a serious judgement call.
c. Additionally, while normally all guys with children would be discarded, for the sake of the experiment everyone is fair game.
You guys, I am not going to lie--I fully expect this to be both terrifying and hysterical at the same time. I currently have 15 potential date subjects in my inbox, and the ones with "hott" and "coolguy" in their screennames are going to prove to be very worthwhile to the experiment, I think :) So, from here on out, its pretty self-explanatory--I go on dates, I come home and write about them, and you guys read them. The experiment is officially set to commence after the July 4th weekend. Alright, Baltimore, show me what you've got!!
So, this blog will be used to chronicle my adventures in the dating world with the help of the two sites I have profiles on--Match.com and OKCupid--as well as the occasional evening to a happy hour or bar (discussed below). However, as with any good study, there are a few rules for the experiment:
1. I will be writing under the pseudonym Reese Holden and all dates will all be written with pseudonyms as well.
2. I must accept any request for a date on either site--e-mails, winks, ANYTHING.
3. On OKCupid, any e-mails regarding "so-and-so is checking you out" or "so-and-so have added you as a favorite" MUST be responded to in an effort to set up a date.
4. Any evening date-free, I must either choose to attend a happy hour to a random bar of a friend's choice or must search either OKCupid or Match for a date online. If the latter results in 5 rejections, the choice will default to the former.
5. The only rule for conversation on the first date: You can't ask what I do.
6. Now, for the restrictions: Since this is Baltimore, I am free to discard "people who will probably rape and/or kill" me. Otherwise, I am only able to apply the following restrictions--
a. In an effort to keep this experiment as close-to-home as possible, any potential matches farther than 20 miles from Baltimore are excluded.
b. In an effort to remain age-appropriate, no matches under the age of 26 will be considered and those over the age of 45 will require a serious judgement call.
c. Additionally, while normally all guys with children would be discarded, for the sake of the experiment everyone is fair game.
You guys, I am not going to lie--I fully expect this to be both terrifying and hysterical at the same time. I currently have 15 potential date subjects in my inbox, and the ones with "hott" and "coolguy" in their screennames are going to prove to be very worthwhile to the experiment, I think :) So, from here on out, its pretty self-explanatory--I go on dates, I come home and write about them, and you guys read them. The experiment is officially set to commence after the July 4th weekend. Alright, Baltimore, show me what you've got!!
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