This date is my last one for the week as I'm taking the rest of the week off from the experiment. I've been having a lot of fun and definitely meeting some interesting people and have loved sharing this experience with all of you. I'm learning a lot! It should also be said that the post you're about to read was both difficult and cathartic to write. I'm definitely looking forward to my time off from the experiment this week. Anyway, on to the date:
We met up at a bar down in Fells and had a couple of beers before it started getting a bit too loud. The conversation was a little slow getting started. We discussed the general things--career, hobbies and interests, movies, music and while we did eventually hit a rhythm, there wasn't really a spark. Eventually we ended up walking down to another pub that had a blues band playing and it was nice to sit there and listen for a bit. The date itself was pleasant, but the real problem came with the guy I was with. He seemed nice and over the course of the date said some very nice and complimentary things, but there was a constant, underlying aggressive streak that I found to be quite unattractive. It wasn't so much physical aggressiveness, but there were certain conversation topics that he used to make sure I knew what he wanted and was very unforgiving if I wanted something different. Now, I've gone out with overbearing guys before--guys who felt that they knew who I was and what I wanted better than I did--and while I found it to be pretentious and annoying, I was usually at least able to make myself heard and reach common ground. It should also be said that I tend to like a bit of aggressiveness in a guy, but typically the aggressiveness will be paired with a general respect for each other and shows itself more in witty banter and innocent sparring than in intimidation tactics.
The biggest way this aggressiveness was shown was when the topic of dating and relationships came up. It was originally brought up in the form of asking me--innocently--what I was looking for in a relationship. I was up front every single time this topic came up that I was not looking for a relationship. I have mentioned in previous posts that by taking on this experiment, a relationship is not my goal in any way and honestly, its going to take something--or someone--pretty incredible for me to stop this experiment to pursue one. While I didn't disclose the experiment to my date, I basically relayed the same information to him and he was not having any of it. He was adamant that he felt a connection to me, when he found out we had the same tattoo artist he claimed it was a "sign", and at one point accused me of having a fear of commitment as the reason I wouldn't consider dating him. I'm not saying he's not right--which I told him--but I certainly did not appreciate the tone with which he chose to relay his "wisdom" upon me. Besides, he can feel this "connection" all he wants, if I'm not feeling it I don't see why I should be verbally accosted for it. He had also shared other pieces of information with me that led me to believe that his dating life--and life in general--was going in one direction and he was hoping I would be able to change that direction. Again, I was very up front about how this proposition sounded and that I was in no position to promise him something like that. He ended up walking me to my car and kissing me goodnight--which, okay, that's fine. But I'm a little self-conscious about PDA in general so grabbing my ass in public...yeah, that's not cool. He was still very interested in setting up a second date, but I was able to appease him with the fact that I had his number, so I would contact him as I'd rather keep the ball in my court. Honestly, if he pushed the issue any farther, he was going to be feeling my right hook instead of this bogus "connection". And that was the end of that.
If nothing else, this date was probably the greatest learning experience of them all so far. In all honesty, the only reason we ended up at the second bar was because he didn't want it to end. I was perfectly ready to say goodnight, but because of a mix of not wanting to send him home disappointed and my strange masochism that wants to see how awful some dates can become, I agreed to continue. In the future, I'll recognize the warning signs earlier on and will not be afraid to take the control back. I believe that lesson was worth the extra hours I had to spend being berated by this guy. (Seriously, fear of commitment--what an ass!!!) See you all next week!!!
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