The One with the Alternate Plan...

I had held off contacting this guy for a week or so in order to be able to set up a date within a matter of days rather than dealing with the risk of an overabundance of messages back and forth before meeting in person.  Setting up the date, however, ended up being more of a story than the date itself.  (I feel like I've typed that sentence before...)  When we decided on a day, Sam* stated it worked for him and that is also happened to the pre-season Redskins/Ravens game so maybe we can find a bar that's playing it and watch it.  Okay.  Here's the deal:  I actually really like football, I like screaming at the screen, and getting all riled up watching a game, but, dude, on the first date??  Also, he has no way of knowing this about me--there is nothing on my profile that says this and I even got rid of the picture of me with my Terrible Towel during the latest edit of my profiles.  Oh yeah, and I'm a Steelers fan.  So, that may be the most boring game in the world to make me watch because I don't care about the Redskins and I sure as hell am NOT going to root for the Ravens!  Plus, if he turns out to be boring (as most of them do) I'm not going to want to stick around for a 3 hour game.  Now, while all these red flags are flying up, let's remember that I've discussed the fact that my dating experience is somewhat limited, so I decided to run this message by a few of my friends.  The result was a unanimous "WHAT?!?!?!"  So, I went straight home and wrote a response stating that while I do enjoy the occasional football game, I don't really think its the optimal first date activity.  Also, I'm a Steelers fan.  His reply:  "Uh-oh, a Steelers fan.  I'm not sure this will work out--ha ha [Wow.  Original, Sam.  I've never heard that before living in BALTIMORE!]  That's fine about the game.  I don't follow pre-season that closely anyway [then why would you suggest it??]."

After deciding to meet at a bar in Fells Point, I get there a few minutes early (as usual) and after scanning the bar, take a seat in full view of the entrance.  I really don't know what happened.  Or, better yet, I don't know how it happened again!  I'm sitting there drinking my Makers Mark and coke and waiting...glancing up at the door every so often in order to make sure I'm not missing him.  And then somehow, I do.  It took me about a half hour to finish my drink and that was long enough.  I sent a text to a friend--Dr. Mario*-- who works at another bar in the area, scanned the bar one more time, and left.  Upon arriving home later, I found out he had sent 2 messages--one an hour before the date making sure we were still on and that he was on his way and the second was sent at the exact time of the date stating that he had gotten a table, he was sitting alone and that I "couldn't miss" him. Of course I didn't receive these messages and had no way of doing so until I got home.  Sigh.  So, I sent a message back apologizing and telling him where I was and to let me know if he wanted to reschedule, but have yet to hear back from him so that one may be dead in the water, boys and girls.

Now, as I mentioned before, I contacted Dr. Mario, who works as a bartender in another bar before splitting and spent the next hour or so chilling there with him.  But don't be disspointed, my friends, because this post is not remiss of a tale of social awkwardness.  So, when I sat down at the bar, my friend introduced me to his friend, Zach*.  We all chatted for a bit, I ordered a beer, and some food because I was STARVING.  Right before my food came, this woman walks up to Zach and starts chatting him up.  Now, this woman was a piece of work.  She was wearing a shirt that--given the right...support, we'll say--may have done something for her, but...yeah, she was kind of a mess.  In all honesty, I was so focused on my sandwich, that I didn't even notice what was going on 2 stools down from me until I was almost done and then, not taking into consideration that not everyone is a social masochist, sat silently and listened to the scene going on until she walked away a few minutes later.  Once she walked away, Zach and I turn slowly turn towards each other and I bust. Out. Laughing.  He is less than amused, but Dr. Mario and I have a good laugh about the whole situation.  And then we did a round of shots to help Zach move past the trauma (however, she's apparently the resident trainwreck at the bar, so he knew what he was getting into when she approached him).  So, while the social awkwardness did not involve me directly, I definitely want to provide some entertainment.  We'll see if things look up soon...

* Pseudonyms, as usual

The One who Should Have Cancelled...

After finally having a great date, it wouldn't take much to pale in comparison, and this next guy didn't even come close.  There was a part of me that felt bad for him (legitimately...just wait, you'll see) but an overwhelming part of me did not understand his decision-making process.  When I arrived home from my great date, there was a message from this guy apologizing for the late reply, but confirming our date for the next evening and stating that he had an interesting story for me.  As one who is usually in charge of providing the story-telling (or at least the entertaining story-telling) on a date, I was excited to have the opportunity to hear a good one.  Plus, we were meeting at a place I had been dying to go to since a friend told me about it a few weeks ago.

Before I even enter the bar, do you remember that phenomenon I discussed in a recent post where I always pass at least one guy who makes me think "Can I go out with that guy?"  Even though I parked on the same block as this place, there just happens to be a very, VERY attractive guy living with a golden retriever (and, let's face it, probably a girlfriend or wife just as attractive) in the house right next door to this place.  Sigh.  Anyway, moving on.  I walk in and this place is awesome, the bartenders are friendly enough, the crowd is lively, and then there's my date.  So, I sit down, I order my Makers Mark and coke and he looks impressed.  This is only weird because not only is my love for my Makers Mark included in my profile, but it was the first topic we discussed through our messages.  I think he didn't expect me to actually drink it in real life. So, after the initial conversation, I ask him about the story he has to tell me and even remark about my excitement to hear it.  He starts by asking me how I feel about motorcycles.  Luckily, I love motorcycles, so he continues to tell me that the story is actually that he got in an accident the night before on his motorcycle.  Ummm...WHAT?  He starts into the story and after I get over my initial shock, I wait for a pause to tell him "You realize this is a horrible story, right?"  Only then does he seem to realize this.  Seriously??  So, he tells the whole story and I'm just sitting there shaking my head and drinking my whiskey waiting for it all to end.  The story also includes the injuries incurred (his back was pretty scratched up as well as the back of his leg) and the fact that his bike was totalled.  He also mentioned that he didn't want to include the story in the message, because he didn't want me to suggest rescheduling.  Seriously??  The thing is that about every 15 minutes during the date, he would shift in his chair wincing in pain and at one point actually moved the bar stool behind him and stood for about 10 minutes.  I mean, I understand wanting to hold to commitments, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

So, the date continues, but between the constant shifting and wincing and the bartender with the awesome tattoo I want to ask about (who I can't currently talk to) and who I keep catching checking out the one on my arm, I end up mentally checking out about 15 minutes before the date ends.  While walking to the car, he mentions how he's going to have to go home and ice his legs (dear God...) and that was it.  Moral of the story, kids:  if you get in an accident its okay to postpone the date.  Besides, the story will go over better if there's a bit more of a 24-hour timespan.  As far as the bar is concerned, I'm definitely hooked and will be going back--on my own--to check it out again.

The One with the Really Good Date...Finally!!!

I am happy to report that while this date brings my current ratio to about 15:1, at least I finally had a really good date.  This guy was the first one I had sent a message to who I really wanted the chance to go out with and actually made it happen.  His profile was really interesting, he was a real grown-up, and he seemed equally as interested in setting up a date with me.  Oh, and he was really attractive.  Yeah.  Before we had actually met, we had sent about 4 or 5 messages back and forth and they were all pretty long messages with a lot of questions being asked and such.  This usually makes me a little nervous as it takes away from conversation topics once we actually meet and--possibly more importantly--can facilitate, as a friend so adequately put, a false sense of intimacy.  No one wants to be disappointed and feel that keeping online correspondence to a minimum just provides the best odds for this not to happen.  In this case, however, it didn't seem to have a negative effect, for which I am so incredibly grateful!  It also didn't hurt that anytime I would feel apprehensive about our copious correspondence, I would just bring up his picture and remark "Oh, well, it really doesn't matter!"

We met at a local mall (I took this opportunity to share with him that I hate malls) and had drinks at one of the restaurant/bars there.  They had my favorite beer on tap (Newcastle), which he also ended up ordering since he'd never had it before.  Conversation was a little slow getting started, but by no means unbearable.  We started talking about travel...he had recently spent 3 years living in the UK and travelling a bit around Europe and we discussed road trips and where we wanted to go.  He pled his case regarding Guinness--he tried it several times, but just didn't like it (that was pretty adorable...).

The date was pretty fantastic.  We talked about movies and travelling and I shared the Saga of Eagle Tattoo Guy (we were at the same restaurant as that date, so I figured it would come up at some point).  He laughed through that entire story...and then asked why I didn't leave.  So, then we discussed my level of social masochism and how its like watching a bad movie--I can't turn it off, I have to find out what happens.  Plus, it makes for a great story!  When we started talking about food, I discovered we have a tendency to view it in very different ways.  Typically across society, people and food are thrown into two categories:  those who eat to live and those who live to eat.  As a self-proclaimed foodie, I am certainly of the latter.  I love food and I enjoy it to the fullest; both cooking and eating it.  While it is not always the case, Pete* tends to fall into the former category, as evidenced by the following exchange:

Pete:  sharing with me his typical daily regime consisting of oatmeal and rice, basically.
Me:  Um...there's no protein in there.
Pete:  Yeah, that's when I drink a protein shake.
Me:  You know, chicken tastes a hell of a lot better than a protein shake.  Also pork.  And beef.  And fish.
Pete:  Well, I can cook chicken, I'm just lazy most of the time...
Me:  Uh-huh.  That's sad, Pete.  Really, really sad.

Now, my friends, to me this is not a deal-breaker.  No, it is a call to action.  I figure I'm just going to have to date him long enough to teach him a few easy recipes so he doesn't have to get his protein from bars and shakes.  Dear Lord.  Anyway, after some time we got up to leave and for the first time since I started the experiment, I found myself realizing I had just had a great date.  We're walking to the car and I have that "Oh my God, is he going to kiss me?" feeling in the pit of my stomach and then we're standing by my car and its still there.  And then there's a hug goodbye and that's it.  So, while there's a part of me that was sad once I got into the car, I was also so happy to have finally had a date worthy of that feeling.  Its also the first date in the experiment that left me definitely wanting a second date.  So, we're working on it :)  In the meantime, I'll continue on my dates that pale in comparison...

* Pseudonym

The One with the Guy I Wanted to Flirt With...

Since I'm dating in the city, I often have to park at least a block away from where we're meeting.  I actually love this little walk as it gives me time to think, enjoy the city, and maybe say a prayer that this date will be good.   However, there's a strange phenomenon that happens on my way to most of these dates.  On this little walk, I rarely fail to pass at least one guy who makes me think "Huh, can I have a date with that guy?"  Its ridiculous.  Anyway, I was pretty excited about the date mainly because of the place we had chosen.  There's a certain bar in Baltimore I had wanted to check out, but didn't want to go in alone.  While I was waiting for my date to show up, one of the aforementioned "that guy"s walks by and right into the bar.  So, my date shows up and we walk in and end up sitting right next to this guy who happens to be discussing my favorite whiskey with the bartender.  Typically, I would try something new at a bar with such an extensive collection, but that particular day had been pretty atrocious, so I stuck with an old favorite--Johnnie Walker Black.  The guy next to me and my date both ordered a scotch that is apparently the key ingredient in Johnnie Walker Black.  My date had told me about the bartender at this bar who is this older woman who ran the place with her late husband and knows pretty much everything about scotch and whiskey.  She was pretty awesome, actually.  I totally want to go back and pick her brain--she's quite the character.  Anyway, my date and I start talking and while I'm trying to focus on keeping up the conversation, I can't help but be distracted by this guy on the other side of me and he's chatting up the bartender.  All I could think was that if I wasn't there with a date, I would totally be chatting them up, too.  I will be going back at some point since it turned out to be such a gem of a place!

So, back to the date, he was nice enough and we talked about a lot of different things and it wasn't too awkward, but there were a few things that stuck out.  The first was that he had this uncanny resemblance to one of my good friend's boyfriends in terms of a few little mannerisms.  Which was weird.  He also said "fail" a lot.  Oh, and also--we may be related.  No, really...he was asking about my parents and if they were both Irish and through further discussion we learned that our grandmothers have the same maiden name.  Then he asked whether or not that side was originally from a certain area.  Which they were.  Weird.  However, as I said, the bar was great, the bartender actually gave me a splash of what my date and the guy I wanted to flirt with was drinking for free, and we just kind of left things pretty open ended.  I gave him my number in case he wanted to get together again and we may hang out, but nothing particularly mind-blowing.

My next date is one I've been working on for about a week...definitely, DEFINITELY looking forward to it!!

The One that I Hoped Would Have Witty Banter...

My date and I met at the same place as my date last week, as I really wanted to check it out again.  In setting up the date, I suggested we meet outside (now I'm all paranoid I'm going to miss my date or vice versa...I'll get over it).  We had gone back and forth with messages and had also spoken through the IM service on the website.  There was a bit of banter, so I thought maybe there was potential for a spark.  We're both very strongly Irish and Scottish, so we shared that in common and he had wanted to connect over gchat, but I've learned my lesson well--no contact information to anyone.  Under any circumstances.

So, we went in, sat down at a little counter across from the bar and he asked what I wanted and went to the bar to order drinks.  Definite point!  So, we sat down and started talking and it was nice.  There weren't a lot of pauses, but there was also no real spark.  There were a few moments in conversation that were memorable.  At one point I was discussing how I wanted to start sketching on a regular basis and investing in that artistic venture.  Then, we have the following exchange:

Joe*:  So, look around the restaurant and tell me which person you would sketch.
Me:  Huh, okay (looking around)...
Joe:  No, better yet, which person would you sketch naked.
Me:  Oh, Lord!  I don't think there's anyone in here I want to see naked.
Joe:  Gee, thanks.

I'm still on the fence regarding that conversation, honestly.  Maybe I was a little harsh, but seriously--I've known you for less than an hour.  Chill.  We did spend some time people-watching, which is always fun.  He also gave me the entire synopsis of a scene from a movie I had already expressed no interest in ever seeing.  It was apparently the "funniest scene in the movie".  Right.  So, just like pretty much all the recent dates, after the date ended, we said goodbye and went our separate ways.

*Psuedonym as always.

The One where I Got Stood Up...Sort Of...Part 2

So, remember the date I was supposed to have last week where I thought the guy was a no-show??  Well, we finally got our facts straight this week and met face-to-face (although he still wanted to meet across the street rather than in the lobby of the restaurant).  In all honesty, there is not much to report about the date.  He was nice enough, the conversation was fine, he was interested in what I had to say, and it was a decent time, but I just was not attracted to him at all.  Its not that he was unattractive, I just was not attracted to him.  I also feel that in order to even consider keeping in touch as friends there has to be a pretty significant spark and that was not there.  As I said, there really isn't anything to report, so this post is going to have to end there in regards to the date.

In other news, due to my great influx of boring and/or bad dates, I requested the help of a friend of mine to re-vamp my profiles.  Over a few beers and conversation, we were able to come up with a profile that I hope, I HOPE will be able to provide you--and me, of course--with some good (or at least more interesting) dates.  Luckily, I have received previous dating advice from this friend that has proven to be quite useful, so I have high hopes.  As I also mentioned, I have a date tomorrow evening that I have hope for as well.  Until then...

The One with the Date I Forgot to Write About...

So last Wednesday I had a date that provided less of a story even though it actually happened.  There were a few good things that came out of the date, but overall, there really wasn't much to write about...which is probably why I forgot to write about it altogether.  The first positive aspect to come out of the date was that he chose the place and it was one I had not been to.  I also loved it so much that I have a date planned there for this week as well.  As I've mentioned before, in the search for a good date, I've been left with those that are bad and those that are merely "meh".  This one fell into the latter category.

I got a sweet parking spot across the street and we ended up walking up to the place at the same time and meeting outside before walking in.  While I keep an open mind during all of my dates I have yet to be proven wrong from my initial opinion regarding our connection.  I didn't think the date would be a disaster, but I wasn't expecting sparks to fly by any means.  We found seats at the bar and I have to say that I had two different beers while I was there and they were both fantastic!  There was a great selection of beers on tap and for that I am excited to return this week.  Anyway, the guy was nice enough, but it was another case of an older man feeling so much older than me.  He has an established career and has worked very hard to get to where he is, but there was nothing fun about him, really.  We were able to keep a conversation going for the most part, but there were definitely moments where we were left sitting and searching for questions to re-start the conversation.  So, overall, there's really not a whole lot to report on this date.  I do have to say, though, that towards the end, we got into a very nice conversation regarding the nature of dating and discussed how important that initial connection is.  We both agreed that that particular connection is either there or it isn't and especially at this stage in life, if its not, then it is best to just move on.  It was almost as though we were agreeing that the connection we needed was not there without actually pointing it out in this specific instance.  So, after we were done our drinks, we walked out, said our goodbyes, and literally went our separate ways.

I have mentioned before how much I am learning from this experiment and I have to say that I am definitely surprised at how quickly the first impression is made and how accurate it is to the outcome of the date.  I typically form an opinion in the first 10 seconds and even while keeping an open mind--as I mentioned before--this opinion usually does not change over the course of the date.  I have two-possibly three-dates lined for this week and for at least one of them I do have hopes for a good bit of bantering.  I really hope I'm right...

The One that Was Cancelled...

Normally when dates need to be rescheduled, I don't even bother writing about them, because there's no story there.  This time, however, that is not the case.  So, I had been waiting to hear back from a guy I actually wanted to go out with and when I hadn't by Monday evening, I sent an message to another guy who had contacted me to see if there was a chance he was free the following evening.  Why did I message this guy--I'll tell you.  As you can tell from the blog, I have yet to have a GOOD date.  You know those dates you go on and things just click and you truly enjoy yourself and then when he walks you to your car you get all nervous because you really want him to kiss you but you don't know if he will...yeah.  I know they exist--I've seen them, I've had them.  Its just been awhile.  Don't get me wrong:  the dates of insanity I've been having make for great stories and are enjoyable in their own right, but I'm feeling a bit out of balance.  Anyway, by this guy's profile and message to me, I thought he was chill and it would be easy to set something up last minute and have a good time.  I turned out to be wrong.  Just so wrong.

So, as I said, I sent a message Monday evening saying it was last-minute but would he be available to grab drinks the next evening.  The next morning he sent me a message with his number and asked me to text him since he couldn't view the website from work and we could set something up.  Now, as a rule, I do not give out my number until I  meet the guy (and in most cases, not even after that) even though almost all of them send theirs along at some point.  Obviously, this is a safety--and sanity--precaution so they do not have my iniformation and can't harrass me.  However, in this case, even though I knew this was the rule and even though there was that voice in my head saying "Reese, you know the rule...the rule is there for a reason!!!", I couldn't ignore the high hopes I had for this date.  So, purely out of sheer desperation for a decent date, I send a text to him saying "Hey, its Reese, let me know if you still want to meet up tonight." Then begins a text exchange that I am still baffled by.  Now, in my head I consider the use of texting before the date to be solely to set up the particulars of the date and save all the talking and questions and such for the actual date...especially if it is within a few hours.  Apparently with this guy that was not the case.  What ended up happening was an exchange where I was sending messages trying to set up these details while he responded with texts that took up two messages asking me random questions.  Yeah.  Questions like "what do you do for a living?" "What part of Baltimore do you live at?" (Direct quote...let's not discuss the grammar there) and "Where are you going out of town?  I just got back from NC this weekend."  Yeah, I'm not done you guys.  There's more.  He also let me know that he thought we'd really hit it off when we meet (okay, that's fine), he's friends with the owner of the bar we finally decided upon (alright, still fine), and he's never met anyone from online before (shit!  Maybe people have different experiences, but in my experience popping someone's online dating cherry is a pretty traumatic experience...it does not end well.  Shit!)  Guess what, guys?  STILL not done...and this is the best part.  So, we finally get everything set up for the date and about 30 minutes later my phone buzzes with the following message (paraphrased):  "Hey!  Maybe if we hit it off tonight we can plan to go to the Renn Fair.  The first weekend is the last weekend in August and is right before my classes start.  Have you been?"  WHAT?  Is this guy for real????  We haven't even gone on the first date yet and he wants to make plans for the end of the month?  And plans for the Renn Fair???  Wow.  I really did not even know what to do with that information.  So, I reply back that "we'll see how it goes" (to which he replies "fair enough"...uh, yeah "fair enough"!) and my phone was blissfully silent for the rest of the afternoon.  Seriously, after the 2nd "double text message" I was already regretting my decision.

So, the afternoon goes by and I start getting ready for the date, trying desperately to put the whole Renn Fair thing out of my mind so there's at least a chance of having a good time (seriously, I was willing to look past everything but that...cool your jets, dude).  About an hour and a half before I was supposed to meet him, my phone starts ringing...and its him.  "Aaaaaand, voicemail please!" I say to myself.  Five minutes later, he follows up with a text that says "hey, I was calling to see if we're still on and if so I'll leave in a bit".  So, I reply that yes we are still on and I'll see him later.  I finish getting ready, I look pretty adorable, and grab my phone before heading out the door and check one last time.  At this point its about 30 minutes before the date and there's a text from him saying he's not going to be able to make it, can we reschedule for when I get back?  Dear Lord...

Now, under normal circumstances I would just let this one die out, as per the experiment however, I suppose I will have an actual date story for you next week.  Although, I don't know how he'll beat the cancellation story.

The One where I Got Stood Up...Sort Of...

So, I had a full week away from the dating scene and I'm hitting the ground running it seems with some more great stories in the works.  Last night, I was meeting with a guy I had been messaging with back and forth a few times.  In all honesty, when there is a higher volume of correspondence before setting up a date I usually get a little more apprehensive.  I feel that if there is potential for a "spark" or good date or what have you, its going to be easier to just set up a date, meet in person, and see what happens.  Someone could write a great message that's well-written and shares a lot of common ground, but he could have taken an hour to write that message.  If its going to take him that long to formulate his thoughts, I don't think this is going to go very well.  Additionally, if the messages being written are a bit on the long side--red flags like China, people!  Meeting for drinks to get to know someone should not be a big deal.  Its also always my fear that if he's willing to show so many of his cards before the date, what if we get there and run of things to talk about because all the general stuff has already been covered?  I digress...anyway, back to the date.  I still thought it would work out and we set up a date to meet for happy hour at a sushi place in the city.  I drove down there, parked, and arrived at the restaurant about 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet.  I checked the bar area to see if he had arrived yet, did not see him, so I returned to the lobby to wait for him there.  And I waited...and waited.  Now, the two previous nights I had not had much sleep and that day had been very busy, so I was pretty exhausted even just driving to the restaurant.  So, when he was 15 minutes late, I decided to give him 5 more minutes and leave.  After 5 minutes, still no sign of my date, so I walked back to my car, went home, and took a nap.  

This is where the story takes a confusing turn.  Later I checked my messages and had one from him that started with "I guess you couldn't make it."  Huh.  So, I sent a reply telling him that I was there and waited and then left.  Then, the reply from him...he said he was also there, but must have missed me because he was sitting on a bench outside.  Across the street.  Um...okay?  Now, I'm usually very fair and give credit where credit is due and take the blame when I'm in the wrong, but dude!  You were sitting ACROSS THE STREET? Seeing as how we've never met in real life, yeah it would probably be difficult to pick me out among the people walking into the restaurant...from across the street.  I am thoroughly confused by this course of action.  Seriously.  As far as giving credit goes, however, I had already had to reschedule our original date, so this was already a second try, and he offered to reschedule again if I wanted to.  So, next week when we actually have our date (if he makes it to the restaurant), it will actually be the third time we have tried to meet.  So, he's nothing if not tenacious and in all honesty seems like a nice guy.  Hopefully next week I'll have an actual story for you guys.  Next on the calendar is a last-minute set-up for tonight that I'm already regretting.  Yeah, we'll see how this goes...