Since it has been about 2 months since I started this experiment, I decided it was a good time to sit down and write a bit of a reflective post. There are a few things that have been tossed around in real-life conversations that I wanted to take the time to write down and share with those of you who have been sharing in this experience. I hope you enjoy...
The dating scene for me has been pretty dormant for the past few weeks and while I was able to provide a good story from my past, I definitely wanted to take some time to write up a bit of a reflective post. I have definitely learned a lot through this experience and am eager to share some of those tid-bits with you all. Before we get to all the heavy, introspective stuff, I first want to take the time to document a few of my favorite places from these dates. I was lucky to be able to meet up at a few great places in the city and some I had wanted to visit anyway. The best place I’ve found is definitely Annabel Lee Tavern in Highlandtown area. Great energy, great crowd, and I definitely hope to return there at some point. One fun fact about this place was when I mentioned it to another friend, she said when she went there she immediately thought “If Reese has not been here, she really needs to.” Another great find was Alewife. This is a great bar Downtown, across from the Hippodrome. They have about 40 beers on tap and I have yet to have one I don’t like (quite the feat). It is also where I found my new favorite beer—Allagash White (which I am actually drinking as I write this). The third place I want to mention is Birds of a Feather—a Scotch/Whiskey bar in Fells Point. Its small and quiet, and there’s an extremely knowledgeable bartender who will have no issues giving you her opinion on what you should drink.
As far as the actual dates go, I have certainly found that there are essential characteristics that need to be there. Even more important, I have found that the first 30 seconds are usually the most telling sign (and, honestly, 30 seconds is a bit conservative—I can usually tell in half that time). I have yet to be proven wrong regarding the impression set in that short amount of time—both negative and positive (and in most cases, neutral). I have found that witty banter and chemistry are among the most important traits for a good date. While this is something I believed in theory for a long time, I have found through this experience how little I am willing to compromise when it comes to this trait. And, dear LORD! Do NOT apologize for your use of sarcasm!! Let’s face it, I’m Irish—I’m a fighter. I need someone to spar with and if you’re not up to the task, then it will be pretty clear very quickly. Of course, on the flip side, even if there is a bit of chemistry or ease of conversation, if there is no physical attraction it really is the death of the date. It really is so important. Also, apparently the meeting place and conditions need to be clearly decided before the date as I have been missed by two of the dates in this experiment. *Sigh* Also, giving out my number...I’m glad in most cases I have controlled myself and not given it out, but comparably glad that the times I didn’t at least resulted in good stories.
I have had a lot of people ask me if I’ve been learning anything through this experiment and my answer has always been “yes.” In all honesty, though, what I have learned does not compare with the amount of healing that has taken place by taking this on. Those who know me well, know—in more detail—the full reasons behind why most of my 20s were spent not dating and the many emotions that came along with that realization and feeling it was too late to make up for lost time. Among those emotions were an enormous amount of anger and frustration. Without getting into specifics, I almost felt that I had devoted my life to an idea that ended up only letting me down and leaving me with only lost time and no experiences to show for it. To some extent, I still do feel that way, but by channeling that energy into just using the time I saw that I still did have and cramming all the experience I desired into that small window, I have received quite a bit of healing. While it can become tiresome, I am sure if these serial failed dates had followed me over a course of years instead of weeks, I would be much more jaded than I have become on my own. Additionally, the creative fulfillment that it gives me to be able to share a bit of my story in a light-hearted way is cathartic in and of itself. As much fun as I’m having, I do still get frustrated at the fact that I’m still single, I still cry, and I do honestly feel the stagnant state of the experiment the past few weeks is due to a bit of burn-out and need for reflection. While these feelings are still there, the pain isn’t nearly as deep and doesn’t last nearly as long as it has in the past; for which I am very grateful. At this time, I do feel as though I am ready to re-enter this field and get a few more good stories for you guys soon. (And for those who know me in real life and have questions about specifics, please don’t hesitate to contact me with those...I just personally don’t feel it necessary to get into them through this forum.) And thus ends the “super vulnerable” section of this post...
So, there you have it! A few new places to check out in Baltimore and a promise for more stories SOON! Until next time, I will leave you with one more dating tip: Sushi--Delicious food, perhaps not the best first date meal (I mean, unless you want to be super-awkward, in which case, you have my blessing).
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